May 6, 2013/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 123


1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon

– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.


2. The Benchwarmer

-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.


3. The Sketchball

-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.

ramp tramp

4. The Ramp Tramp

-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.

Skatepark Game Of SKATE

5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.

-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.

skate park kids ramps sliding

6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes

-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.


7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp

-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.

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  1. Daniel Day Lewwie

    May 6, 2013 1:47 pm

    I think you left out the talker, the guy closing in on middle age, is usually fat and has man-boobs and a baby bump, he may or may not have skated back in the day but says he did nevertheless, but spends his time doing one or two runs before getting winded because he so out of shape but will talk you to death about how much he knows more about skateboarding than you.

    • DM

      June 26, 2013 11:31 pm

      That’s me! I was gonna add “the old guy that works at the skateshop sometimes who probably won’t drop in but can kickflip the hip every once in a while”. We need representation in this list! LOL

    • Lukas

      July 16, 2016 2:30 pm

      Wow this is totally me, nailed it! Except I don’t talk to anyone because I don’t want to be the old annoying know-it-all douchebag.

  2. THREE Skateboarding

    May 6, 2013 2:18 pm

    There is also that homie thats actually pretty good and you dont mind. But they try to hold a full blown conversation with you right when you get to the park. cant even warm up, cant even focus on any damn trick, next thing you know the parks closing and all you warmed up was your neck from nodding and your voice from saying ‘yeah’ ‘yeah’ ‘yeah thats true’

  3. Tom Roche

    May 6, 2013 2:49 pm

    What about the parents of small children, who let them run riot on their barbie scooters and claim its never their kids fault for getting hit etc.. Those are usually the parents that will say snarky remarks/ argue furiously with you if your board goes near them or hits their
    (usually) ‘meat-head’ husbands.

  4. Solomon

    May 6, 2013 2:57 pm

    8. SKOACH (aka. Skate Coach)….that one dad/mom/adult who does not skate but berates their child endlessly with thing like “we aren’t going home till you land it!”…”how are you going to get in the X-Games if you can’t even land that trick!?!?!”…..”hey meal ticket…I mean….son…..try it again!”

    9. The OG dudes/old timers/old guys …..padded up like a squad of Robo Cops….talking about the good ol’ days or past legendary skaters or the always fun “I used to do (insert trick name)”

    10. Hometown Hero…..he should be pro!…just ask him. haha

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