1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon
– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.
2. The Benchwarmer
-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.
3. The Sketchball
-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.
4. The Ramp Tramp
-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.
5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.
-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.
6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes
-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.
7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp
-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.
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June 2, 2014 9:46 pm
Aint nothing wrong with playing skate all day at the park! some of the most fun times of my life.
July 1, 2014 4:42 pm
i juar hate the skinny jeans faggots in the skate park
September 4, 2014 2:24 am
Some old guy was riding his shopping cart/scooter thing around the park, going up and down the banks and stuff… Anyway, he hit some scooter kid. Made my day.
People who ride things that are not meant for the skatepark (e.g motorized scooters, motorized old people shopping carts, minibikes) definitely have to be on the list.
September 7, 2014 2:47 am
So who are the “real” skaters because at most every park this describes every patron . Me, I’m the old dude that started skating again after stopping years back to mountain bike. My son rides now and I can’t sit and watch. Personally I just missed the flow, cruising long boards weren’t doing it for me.