1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon
– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.
2. The Benchwarmer
-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.
3. The Sketchball
-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.
4. The Ramp Tramp
-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.
5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.
-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.
6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes
-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.
7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp
-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.
Related Posts
Comments
Popular
-
THE RISE AND FALL OF PRO MODEL SKATE SHOES
While there are still some exceptions, the signature shoe has largely evaporated from the skateboard industry. But, why?
-
A CHAT WITH LUDVIG HAKANSSON, THE OLDEST SOUL IN SKATEBOARDING
The man loves to read Nietzche, skates in some expensive vintage gear, and paints in his own neoclassical-meets-abstract-expressionist style.
-
A LOOK THROUGH THE GLASSES OF VINCE PALMER, AKA CHICKEN LITTLE
Get to know the 18-year-old German repping Baker and Supreme in Milan.
-
WHO ARE THE SKATERS RESURRECTING ROCK CLIMBING IN UPPER MANHATTAN?
We met up with Joel Popoteur, an employee at Supreme and long-time skater to learn about his outdoor movement.
-
GOT OLD WHEELS? THIS GUY IS MAKING MINI FINGERBOARD REPLICAS WITH THEM
Honey, I Shrunk The Spitfires.
June 2, 2016 1:34 am
The funny thing is – the only skateboarders I ever see at skate parks these days are sitting around and doing nothing.
June 2, 2016 7:34 am
Arrive – 30 minutes of stretching, killer session avoiding the groms with the old crusty crew. Then back to reality.
October 3, 2016 1:28 pm
Shut up and skate! Kill all scooter kids and their parents.
Street-check
Vert-check
Park-check
I don’t do these but…
Freestyle-yes
Slalom-yes
Down hill- yes
It’s just skateboarding. Wash your pussies and stop hating like a bunch of faggots.
November 25, 2016 5:05 pm
Lol do yall get annoyed by agressive inline skaters (just wonderin because Im one)