May 6, 2013/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 123


1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon

– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.


2. The Benchwarmer

-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.


3. The Sketchball

-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.

ramp tramp

4. The Ramp Tramp

-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.

Skatepark Game Of SKATE

5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.

-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.

skate park kids ramps sliding

6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes

-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.


7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp

-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.

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  1. ryan

    December 19, 2016 6:45 pm

    wow fu thats affensive for me,im 11 and im following my passion.oviasuelly i cant do to much tricks but i dont get in peoples way.

  2. Dumbledick

    January 5, 2017 10:19 pm

    Wow a type of skateboarding can have a sexual orientation??? I must have been living underneath a rock

  3. Booter

    March 22, 2017 6:59 pm

    Good lord …looks like today’s skater is more of a social commentator than an aspiring ripper. I see more classification of persons going on than skating out of most. Focus on your own skating/appearance and this might not be such a problem.

  4. Patrick Robinson

    June 15, 2017 10:28 pm

    I think street is hella dumb too. It’s technically brilliant but it’s just not aesthetically appealing to me. My now 50+ year old style evolved in pools and concrete parks, snake runs and bowls. There’s no flow in street. Jay was the most important sk8r that ever lived. No Jay, no golden age. No golden age, no modern age.

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