Sitting back in my room, sifting through all the diss tracks, full albums, and loose singles dropping this (pre)summer in the rap world, I started to fall into a stupid thought loop: “Who would be the Drake of skateboarding? Or the Kanye? Has any skater ever dealt enough drugs to be the Pusha-T of skating?” I guess when you dig into a bag of THC-infused Peachie-Os you start to pull at threads that may or may not be there, but you just gotta follow them where they lead sometimes.

Before I knew it, I had a pretty solid list of comparisons coming together. Whether it was based on career trajectory, personality traits, or solely off looks, here’s a dumb amalgamation of well-known, beloved skaters and their rapper equivalents. Don’t @ Me.

Dylan Rieder = 2pac

Two sensitive artist types taken from us too soon, both of whom could easily steal your girlfriend if they really wanted to. You couldn’t reach their level of sex appeal no matter how hard you try, bud.

Gino Ianucci = Nas

Proper East Coast icons and idols (G.O.A.T.s, if you will) still riding the wave of their greatest hits released well over 20 years ago. Neither one of these guys have had a really strong latter half of their career, but that seems to be pretty OK in everyone’s books.

Eric Koston = Kanye West

From the beginning, these two were groundbreakers in their respective disciplines. As their egos grew alongside their notoriety, they both started to (repeatedly) fall into manic episodes that made it hard — if not impossible — to stay on as fans. Now, they kinda just get passes for every bullshit move they pull just because they’re #certifiedlegends.

Stephen Lawyer = Lil Pump

Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang! Esskeetit!

The McClung Brothers = Mac Miller, Post Malone, & Macklemore

The McClung Brothers, like these particular white rappers, all kind of blend into one indistinguishable blob of bland. Easily forgettable, but somehow, some way, they always crawl back into media coverage and remind you that the worst subset of consumers still exists and still rocks Grizzly grip tape.

Nyjah Huston = Drake

These child prodigies are still holding on to the top spot of their respective lanes. Whenever a new project drops, the hate comes pouring in, but you can’t help but pay attention to the industries’ most-watched men… and besides, look at those fucking streaming/view numbers, bro.

Ishod = Quavo (of Migos)

Both came on the scene guns blazing what seems like forever ago (Versace? Yeah, Versace), but have held up the top spot in the face of new competition every year. They’re masters of re-inventing the same perfect style and churning out hit after hit after hit.

Paul Rodriguez = Jay Z

Possibly the only figures in their industries who (in the past) could hang with the suits at 10 a.m. and be back on the block by 2 p.m. without missing a beat. They’ve managed to transition from underground sensations into prolific stars, becoming some of the biggest mogul figures out there, and they’ve still never taken their eyes off the prize.

Tony Hawk = Dr. Dre

N.W.A. could be compared to the Bones Brigade as both pumped out some of their respective industries’ longest-lasting figures. Both crews boasted two prominent OGs and ringleaders who could never fall from grace, no matter how much they pimped out their culture and cashed out.

PJ Ladd = Eminem

Leaving Whiteness aside for a second, PJ and Em both turned their worlds upside down with their first releases. Who the fuck were these scrawny looking white guys squeezing in all these tricks into 4-minute sections? I don’t think anybody ever really understood how it all came together, but they liked it.

Comments

  1. The skreets

    June 11, 2018 2:59 pm

    who the fuck gave this article the green light? The author and illustrator are equally trash. No wonder you included “Don’t @ me” because you know deep down in your heart you wasted time and money on this.

    Reply
  2. yes

    June 11, 2018 3:14 pm

    2 pac & dylan.
    nailed it.

    Reply
  3. Jenkem Staff

    June 11, 2018 3:26 pm

    We should not have done this article

    Reply
  4. dmath

    June 11, 2018 3:26 pm

    some were a stretch, gino and esp pj ladd on point 👍

    Reply

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