May 6, 2013/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 123


1. The Shirtless Headphones Guy aka The Goon

– Must blast shitty music on headphones at all times.
– Must skate totally oblivious to you or anything else going on around him.
– Skullcandy or Dre Beats only.
– Optional T-shirt takeoff and crappy uncoordinated style.


2. The Benchwarmer

-“Skates” (rides around the park one time and then sits down to smoke cigarettes / txt people on his phone.)
-Must sit on bench or ledges and block you over and over again.
-Will spit on the ground and write dumb shit like “RYAN IZ LAME” on obstacles with black sharpie.
-Has nothing better to do.


3. The Sketchball

-Smoking weed or cigarettes highly recommended.
-Must not skateboard.
-Must sit around everyone else’s stuff and look sketchy / make skaters paranoid.
-May steal your iPod/Phone/Wallet and run as fast as he can.
-Will be caught and beat up by Koston.

ramp tramp

4. The Ramp Tramp

-Ages 13 – 17.
-Comes in all shapes and sizes: Pre-teen, Goth, Emo.
-Thinks “other girls suck”.

Skatepark Game Of SKATE

5. The Group of Kids That ONLY Play S.K.A.T.E.

-Ages 13 – 18.
-Will play SKATE at bottom of the miniramp, bowl, or next to an obstacle you want to skate.
-Must never actually skate the rest of the park.
-Get picked up by parents.

skate park kids ramps sliding

6. The Kids Who Slide Down The Ramps aka The Chucky Cheezes

-Ages 3 – 6.
-Must use entire skatepark like giant playground.
-Real playground must be very close.
-Must make you never want to have kids.


7. The Pre-Teen Scooter Kid aka The Twerp

-Ages 6 – 12.
-Must get in your way 99% of the time.
-Must only try quadruple tailwhips.
-Must wear helmet too big for head.
-Must look like an asshole.

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  1. thisisfeelthis

    May 6, 2013 1:09 pm

    The skate parents…come on guys..

  2. fabi...

    May 6, 2013 1:09 pm

    exactly everyone of these at the skatepark at everytime of the day! go skate street…

    • cunt

      November 25, 2013 8:34 am

      nah street is gay as fuck bro

      • Joe

        November 25, 2013 8:30 pm

        Street is gay? You’re a fucking bitch.

      • Hates sckooter fagz

        January 18, 2014 2:24 pm

        You gay nigga you actually number 7 fuck boy

      • VertDog24

        October 10, 2014 1:18 pm

        Street is gay. If the state I live in and currently pay taxes in wants to offer me perfect bowls and concrete plus no tickets for skating then that seems like a pretty fucking good deal to me. Vert started skating as a whole. You don’t even know who Shogo and Jay were. Fucking learn about what you participate in nerd

      • richyrich

        May 12, 2014 9:03 pm

        Street skateing is gay…..WTF

      • Dario Ferrari

        May 25, 2014 1:21 pm

        Wow, dumbest thing anyone could ever say, clearly you just sit on the benches…

      • Stupid_cunts

        June 3, 2014 8:35 am

        And you’re all retarded for not reading his name and knowing that he’s just joking around to rile up cock-sucking scooter kids like yourselves.

      • Deadbeatdbk

        May 28, 2016 8:19 am

        Hahahah stupid

      • GOON

        May 31, 2016 11:06 am

        street skateboarding is true skateboarding u weenie

      • Will

        June 2, 2016 7:09 am

        You can’t really call street shit, that’s where skateboarding was born you inbred moose

      • Tc

        July 26, 2016 9:51 pm

        If you a shitty skater. The streets are the best

  3. Darien Washington

    May 6, 2013 1:33 pm

    Hahahaha how do i share this!!?

  4. Packy Fancher

    May 6, 2013 1:44 pm

    skate parents can be lumped into #6.

    shoulda included old guys that got back into it after Dogtown came out!

    • Lindsay

      July 28, 2014 3:25 pm

      That’s me, and I’ve got style coming out my ass.

    • Crusty old guy

      May 30, 2016 5:42 am

      What about the old guys who never quit but now have to fit in skate time between their commitments to their career and family. Maybe show the old guys some respect, it might be you in twenty years. I doubt it though.

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