“Forget” people you’ve met before: It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve met the person, if they aren’t in your crew, just pretend you don’t remember them. Imagine you have short term memory loss, and when they introduce themselves for the 4th time or mention how you’ve met you before, say something like, “yeah, seems kind of familiar..” and squint like it’s some hazy long lost memory.

Vibe people out: You know when you were the little kid at the skatepark and were both fascinated and intimidated by those cool older kids? That’s the feeling you want to evoke in everyone you meet. The easiest way to do this is to not look at the person talking to you, make descreet jokes about them behind their back and basically act like a middle school girl.

Say the opposite of everyone else: If everyone thinks the new Girl video is good, it’s just “OK.” If they think the DGK video was wack, lecture them on how fucking amazing it is. This keeps you ahead of the cool curve, because let’s face it – what most people think is cool, is totally wack.

Everyone is “your boy”: When someone mentions a pro skater or local shredder, make sure to casually let them know how they’re totally, “your boy.” You guys go “way back.” If the person lives far away or in another country, just say he’s “friends with my boy.” Boom! It keeps it generic enough where you don’t have to name any specifics, while still making you look like the fuckin’ man.

Do the hot tricks: There are thousands of different tricks in skateboarding, but not all are created equal – no matter how “steezy.” Usually, the best way to find out what’s cool these days is to check out the latest raw east coast vid or whatever montage SLAP posters are jerking off to that month. Learn a couple of those tricks, wear some sort of blue-collar working mans uniform and you should be having your dick sucked by skatenerds in no time.

Comments

  1. brainiac

    March 4, 2013 1:12 pm

    “forget people you’ve met before” = classic

    Reply
  2. some dude

    March 4, 2013 1:58 pm

    Don’t forget the middle finger. The middle finger is a must. Tell the world how much you don’t give a fuck, and oh, fuck them. Weed leaves are also still semi-cool, the fad hasn’t faded completely yet.

    Reply
  3. BallsackMcGhee

    March 4, 2013 6:57 pm

    You also need to hang around a spot and 1-up every trick a kid misses. After walk up to the kid and give him a vague description on how to do the trick, cause you don’t have the time to explain, you’re practically pro.

    Reply
    • Bofa Deeznuts

      October 17, 2014 5:22 pm

      If you see a guy battling a spot for a trick that you know, just casually roll by and do it first try. That shit is so cool

      Reply
  4. Ben

    March 5, 2013 9:45 am

    This was good read, even the comments.

    Reply

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