HOW TO BECOME A “SHOP HOMIE”

Going to your local skateshop for the first time is almost like losing your virginity, it’s pretty awkward and you don’t really know what you are doing. The guy behind the counter seems uninterested in anything you have to say and everyone else in the shop keeps looking at you funny. Never fear! Here are some tips to become a local shop homie in no time:

1. Totally hang out – Everyone knows real homies don’t buy product, real homies are at the shop to chill. Treat the skate shop the same way as you treat your mom’s basement. Lie on their couch, order in chinese food, charge your phone, relax! This will really throw people off- they won’t be able to tell if you are part of “the fam” or just some random dude.

2. Pretend to help – It’s hard to help if you don’t really know what you are doing, but it’s really easy to pretend. The best way to do this is just to periodically pick up random shit and ask whoever is working, “uhh where should I put this?”

3. Impress parents – When parents come in looking to buy little Johnny his first skateboard, make sure drop the F bomb in every other sentence and talk about stuff like getting head. It’s your job to maintain that authentic “urban feel” in the shop.

4. Ask for free product & discounts – You know you’ve made it once you start to receive the elusive shop discount. Until then, don’t be afraid to remind (bug the fuck out of) the store clerk about how you deserve it for totally helping them out all the time, with uhhhh, stuff.

5. Hang behind the desk – In a skate shop, the holy grail of homie spots is behind the desk. But if you don’t work there, it’s nearly impossible to infiltrate. Thankfully people are stupid and there’s an easy trick to make it into the inner circle: Youtube. Mention this “dope video part” you found, and tell them how much they are missing out. Once they are practically begging you to show them, walk behind there, load it up, and as everyone is mesmerized by the screen, slyly perch up on the corner. You’re down for life yo!


Words: James Lee
Original Illustration: Michael Giurato
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Comments

  1. DG:
  2. sj:

    Sad but true.

    Seen this in 1984-87 then from.2004-2009 at two different local shops decades apart.

    Pretty neat when it has a real deal feel and “misfits” can have place to call home away from home. Almost like Cheers for skaters

    But seeing the basing or mean spirited pranks on “kooks” always bothered me. Everybody is not cool somewhere. Of course jocking a.douchebag is different. But sometimes they went after shy kids for no reason. And the kid tolerates it because either cluelessnor noother place to go. Not funny, just sad. Not too many places to go ( aside from skating) when under 16 and carless.

    Small shop scenes can be mostly positive, everyone knows that. Not talking mall shops or hot topic. Small core shops can be very welcoming once they figure out you actually skate and and just like to be around cool stuff between sessions. All ages, races, cultures bonding through skating..heck yeah, Hands Across America satellite incubation centers.

  3. zachsultanmotherfucker:

    im trying to understand what the fuck the dude above me just said

  4. mr.shitt:
  5. Mike:

    I only go to a shop to buy product. If there’s a good vid on or a ledge out front ill hit it up though.thats after I buy something first. Nobody likes a lurker

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