We get some pretty amazing emails from our readers, but nothing as good as the one we received months ago from Michigan’s self proclaimed #1 ramp tramp. Not only was she a huge Jenkem fan, but she sent us some pretty ridiculous photos of herself, and in return we sent her a bunch of stickers and a promo zine. But who is she really?
At what point did you realize that you wanted to be a ramp tramp?
I was born a ramp tramp. It just took me a while to figure out, it was my destiny. As soon as I stepped foot onto a skatepark I just knew it’s where I was meant to be. Transitions skatepark was the first I had ever gone to. I was surrounded by scummy skaters and I felt at home. The sweaty shirtless dudes strolling all around me got me all warm and fuzzy inside.
What is attractive to you about skateboarders? What do you like so much about them?
What isn’t attractive about them should really be the question. From the shoelace belts to the snapbacks and that dirty unshowered look – I can’t get enough. I love their grimy, I don’t give a fuck attitude.
Have you done stuff at the skatepark with any skaters?
Just an orgy once. It was kind of a fail though, not enough of me to go around for all the homies. Everybody wants a piece of Michigan’s certified ramp tramp. I tried my best though and I think they appreciated my effort. I’m down for ramp redemption though, take 2. Maybe we can throw a couple pro’s in this time. nahh..no sex yet, madeout with a fair share but I’ll be sure to make it happen at some point in the future.
Isn’t it nasty doin stuff with some smelly sweaty skater?
I think it’s actually a turn on in a weird way. I just find it more appealing than a clean dude. Lack of hygeine how hot. Ha
How did you find out about Jenkem Magazine?
My friend Leo, a rad skater himself told me about it. He sends me links to different articles all the time. They were brilliant. I love the satire in everything. Most of my friends skate and they always make fun of themselves and I feel like the magazine follows that same sort of humor. Everything is super entertaining. I don’t know how you could not love this shit.
Top 5 bang list of pro skaters
1.) Alex Olson
2.) Shane O’Neil
3.) Paul Rodriguez
4.) Dylan Rieder
5.) Mike Mo Capaldi
Let’s say I was able to hook you up with a date or something with one of the pro skaters mentioned. What would be your ideal date?
Just do some hoodrat shit. Start the night off with a few bong rips off the roof of an evicted house, which there are plenty in my neighborhood sadly. Then of course bust out some quality ass alcohol (Steel Reserves, Natty Ice, Burnetts) after that hop in the whip, well that might not be smart buttfuckit, I’ve got that cat life in me Y.O.L.N.T (you only live nine times) ya digg. Go terrorize the people of Walmart. Then he better slather me in sliders from White Castle. Finally, we shall finish the night with a long walk on the beach…..and if he’s worth it..make whoopie.
”Everybody wants a piece of Michigan’s #1 certified ramp tramp.”
What do your parents think of your self proclaimed title “Michigan’s #1 ramp tramp”
Well my mom doesn’t really care, although she thinks most of the dudes aren’t going anywhere and I need to start being interested in all the nerdy money makers at school. But I’ll probably just find a group of skaters and kick it with them. Can’t help myself.
What’s your favorite skate video/s?
Currently Boo Johnson’s Future Nature part – he’s so goddamn good. But I went to this premiere at the skatepark by my house, The Streets for the Scumlife video and it was bangin all the footy from the locals from the mitten and some of the time they spent in Arizona.
What’s the best way for a skater to really turn you on?
Well by just being a skater for one, but the long haired skaters man – they really get me all hot and bothered. I don’t know why, just something about the long hair. And you’ll earn brownie points the cleaner your landing and the bigger the gap. Gotta show me how good you really are, ain’t nobody got time for amateurs
Do you ever masturbate to skaters?
Silly question, of course. It’s part of a daily regimen for me just like showering or brushing my teeth. Pop on some footage of Shane O’Neill pullin’ off a switch backside flip and you just got this girl all kinds of hot and bothered. It’s go time at that point.
Why do you like ZIGRAM23 (Shane O’Neill) so much?
What’s not to love about that aussie cyborg? But seriously he’s just unreal, definitely a groundbreaking skater. He’s on a whole other level than a lot of skaters. He’s just so clean and nobody can land a 720 like he does, just flawless. I think his accent is a nice touch too. Not to mention he actually tweeted back at me a few days ago, I think its safe to say he’s ready to define the relationship
What’s one of the most wild nights you’ve ever had?
Man it would have to probably be this party at this local skatepark. Seriously shit reached new levels of weird. I’m pretty sure I was topless, or maybe it was pant-less, or both. Who knows. With the amount of alcohol I consumed that night it’s hard to be sure what I did. I probably came off as an super skank from making out with like everyone there boy or girl buttfuckit. All I remember was waking up in the grass outside the park around like 8am and this semi truck pulled into the surrounding factory building and just looked at me like what the fuck is this girl doing here? Good ass night though so it’s gucci.
What do you want to be known or famous for?
I want to be on TV eventually. I really think I have a lot to offer the world. I’m a wild child and I think I could be legendary for the stuff I say and do. The goal is to get my own TV show where I can talk shit and get weird with the public. I just want to party with the world and bang a few pro skaters, that’s all really.
HOW CHAD CARUSO SKATED ACROSS AMERICA
Chad did it the way most skateboarders would: independently and without much of a plan.
JOSH KALIS ON BUILDING AN INDOOR SKATEPARK WITH GRANITE FROM LOVE PARK
"Laying the granite tiles was the most torturous part because you’re on your knees. It was a month straight of doing 1,600 tiles."
WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THE OFFICIAL BROOKLYN BANKS COMEBACK
We talked with Steve Rodriguez about the imminent reopening of The Banks, which has been in the works for 13 years now.
JENKEM MIX 126: ANTONIO DURAO
Much like Antonio himself, this one’s got it all… An auditory gumbo, if you will.
MEET THEO HAND, THE PHOTOGRAPHER WHO SHOT ALL YOUR FAVORITE ’90S PROS
Theo helped shape how skateboarding looks in the modern age, documenting names like Chad Muska, Tom Penny & Ali Boulala, all in their prime.
November 23, 2012 9:29 pm
Maybe if you wanted a real guy (skater, grimy dude, whatever your definition of real is) to treat you right you could possibly consider not trying. So. Hard.
November 23, 2012 11:18 pm
im not trying haha I just happen to have gotten in the crowd of skaters and I love them all, im not complaining and im not looking for anyone right now aha
November 24, 2012 1:05 am
holy shit I love steel reserves black can only though silver can is for pussies
November 24, 2012 2:45 am
I hope this is a joke. If not, it is pretty sad (shit, even if it is a joke it is still pretty sad).
“I really think I have a lot to offer the world…I could be legendary.” Really?
Being a party skank doesn’t make her a legend, it makes her a party skank. Elissa Steamer, Sarah Beth-Burnquist, and Marisa Del Santos are fucking legends, while on the other hand, Halie is on the road to being just another cock-tease.
Any way you cut it this chick is trying to gain status through simply being attractive (my power of being a woman comes directly from my ability to be a sexual object, and I have nothing else to offer) and/or she is trying to gain status through sexual affiliation with a group of people that are able to gain status through having a skill or talent. The only problem with the second part is once that affiliation with the people with an actual skill disappears, her “status” disappears with it.
I hope this chick grows up in college and attempts to be more than a skate-hoe or just goes all out and hits up Stoya and starts making porno movies. Anywhere in-between and she’ll end up being just another annoying hot chick that knew some guys that actually did something.
November 24, 2012 5:46 am
this chick is funny as fuck. ide totally be down to huff some jenkem that she brewed up
November 24, 2012 3:04 pm
hahahaha lets do it sometime