October 2, 2011/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 20


What happens when suburban white guys take tribal worship too far? Street kids. Who are street kids? They’re assholes.

From a distance, a street kid appears like any other bum: dirty clothes, matted hair, a rucksack with their few possessions. But as you approach, and probably only moments before the proprietary blend of questions: “Spare a dollar?”, “Got a cig?”, “Can I have your leftovers?”, you may notice straight teeth, a fair complexion, Doc Martins, and other relics of the street kid’s former suburban self. Perhaps even a MacBook is stuffed in his backpack—because how else can he update his “Livn Phree” blog?

Before you can muster a “fuck off”, he’s walking next to you telling a fabricated sob story, or if you’re especially unlucky, he’s already begun playing a tune on his guitar. You cross the street, but–son of a bitch–he’s right behind you bellowing Bob Marley as his blonde dreadlocks flop around like dried turds in a windstorm. When he’s finished spouting his aural diarrhea, you can expect to owe him at least a dollar, because, “I gotta live, man.” So go home, shit head.

The street kid didn’t earn his homelessness through psychosis, poor financial decisions or a respectable drug addiction. He simply packed his bags and hit the cul-de-sac following an argument with his parents about his “lifestyle” or some other First World non-problem. “I don’t need any of this stuff, mom.” Now he’s out to prove something, though I’m not sure what and I doubt he does either. Nothing will keep him from his goal, whatever that may be. Nothing. Except maybe winter, lack of food and shelter, or the realization that being homeless is fucking terrible.

Provided he doesn’t get shanked, or raped and murdered, the street kid will eventually retreat to his parents tudor outside the city. He’ll curl into his bed and reflect on his spectacularly useless existence, one so void of meaning, a hippie would even call him a lazy low-life.

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  1. Ione

    October 18, 2014 5:46 am

    yeah, some of us ride trains, play music to pay our way, just to skate shit ll over the world that you will never see mr. butt hurt

  2. skateburger

    November 8, 2014 2:23 pm

    sweet 200 word article man. Can anybody send this stuff in?

  3. cali

    February 8, 2015 2:08 am

    I grew up in poverty but I honestly didn’t know that being poor is supposed to be an insult until I went to school. When I was a kid I thought that poor meant that you are dying from starvation… I mean my family Had food stamps and so we never went hungry. Yeah, we ate ramen noodles and hamburger helper a shit ton, but at least we had food! I remember living out of the car for a while until my grandmother was kind enough to take us in. And she only lived off social security and took care of her paralyzed bed ridden husband (grandpa) For 12 years before we started living in her house.

    But anyways, when I started going to school. I immediately stuck out like a sore thumb. And it was because of my clothes. I thought it was the funniest thing because somehow they had a problem with my clothes and I didn’t understand how my clothes bothered them so much. I got even more confused when they said stuff like, “we can’t be friends because you’re poor” but whatever.

    The school district I grew up in was very white and very republican in the heat of the bible belt (I live in south east texas if that gives you any idea) There were very few kids I knew that were not white. But anyways, most of the friends I grew up with weren’t white but I honestly didn’t take notice of skin color until some assholes on the school bus called my friend a n*gger. I didn’t know what that word meant until my friend had enough of the name calling and beat the shit out those assholes lol.

    And they only got in trouble because I was a witness and of course said what happened. Everybody else lied and said that my friend was the one who started it, which pissed me the fuck off! After that incident, I asked my friend what the meaning of that word was. And that was when I started to see different skin color. I probably never would have noticed that had it never been pointed out to me. I wasn’t taught different “groups” of people at home. I was just taught to treat others the way you would like to be treated. And yes, I’m a girl who happens to have white skin…

    Then college came and most people I came in contact with were white and at least middle class. I don’t mean to steretype but the stuff I’d hear from this demographic complain about just drove me up the freaking wall!

    “Oh God, look at how small this room is! And I have to share this with someone? I can’t even move in here! I can’t wait until I get an apartment next semester!” Yeah, that was the first thing that came out of my roommate’s mouth… And I couldn’t believe how much stuff this girl brought with her when I was only living out of a suit case! And of course they always complained about the quality of the food at the cafeteria! I don’t see how I didn’t strangle someone.

    I was more comfortable and actually felt welcome around international students. A lot of my friends back at home chose to take care of their family instead of going to school. I originally was going to do that until my family begged me to go. It’s not that I didn’t want to go to college, but I wanted to help my family too. I don’t understand why my friends were looked down upon by the elite of my high school. I just don’t understand.

    I’d often be called a “traitor” to “my race” or even “brain washed by the media”. I don’t even know how that’s even possible when I never had a TV or even owned a computer for that matter… But whatever. Sorry for ranting guys!

  4. Rob

    February 28, 2016 3:40 pm

    Yea ummm no although you do run across a majority of crustafarians, some of them are decent not saying all. But for the most part a lot of them a jerks. Depends on whether you have pitch for booze and got a legit friend whose traveled in a low income waynor just rubber tramped it or something you can relate to them. Apart from self righteous dickturds of rich kids who have nothing better to do then talk shit.

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