Ever wondered how skate video skits hold up to the average Joe? What about to a professional movie critic?

Kelly has written for (almost) every major mag, has a long list of movie critiques on her Twitter, and can be quoted saying “I don’t know dick about skating, but I used to own a pair of Bam Margera shoes and can sing at least three CKY songs word for word.” That checked all of our boxes, so enjoy her unfiltered takes on which skate video skits she thinks are any good.

Girl Skateboard’s “Mouse” – Charlie Chaplin Skit

In David Lynch’s book, Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity (2006), he describes moving to Los Angeles and being profoundly impacted by the natural hues of California after spending so much of his life (and early career) in comparatively muted locations. Arriving in L.A. at night, he was stunned by the brightness upon waking, writing, “it wasn’t until the next morning, when I stepped out of a small apartment on San Vicente Boulevard, that I saw this light. And it thrilled my soul. I feel lucky to live with that light.”

In films like “Inland Empire,” which was released in 2006, you can see what he did with that light, using it as a tool to shine into the darker, seedier aspects of the state he calls home to this day. That same feeling is found in this Charlie Chaplin Skit, with Eric Koston as the “lovable Little Tramp,” who always — pratfalls or not — seemed just on the brink of a silent shriek pointed up to the static pleasentness of the sky above.

If I could change one thing about it, I would have suggested breaks in the song playing throughout to hear Koston’s wheels going over the cracks in the sidewalk. But, overall, this is effective in what it set out to do, if it set out to immediately make me think about David Lynch out of nowhere.

Girl Skateboard’s “Yeah, Right!” – Owen Wilson Skit

Hearing Owen Wilson say, “shit attitude” about something, while sitting casually on the bumper of an SUV on what looks to be a relaxed afternoon out in the fresh air, makes watching this worthwhile, as does the inclusion of the name Spike Jonze in the production credits.

What is YouTube for if not reminding us that — as relatively not too long ago as 2003 — two uber wealthy white men could be found just shooting the shit in some random parking lot like some regular ass people. The fact that we’re made to wait until the very end of the clip to see Wilson actually get on his board feels earned. Is this the friscalating dusklight we were promised? Vámonos, amigos.

Birdhouse’s “The End” – Mansion Skit

Back in June, Teresa Taylor — former Butthole Surfers Drummer — died at the age of 60 after a long battle with lung disease. I cried when I heard this news because her role in Richard Linklater’s breakthrough 1990 film Slacker encapsulated everything I love about the specific weirdness made available by wandering around town, getting into whatever there is to get into on a shiftless afternoon. Watching “Mansion Skit,” I would not have been surprised to see Teresa pop up, rambling on about Madonna’s pap smear, or bumming a cigarette from one of the guys.

There’s a look to this clip that I would pay a million dollars to have bottled. It’s the look of the 90s and I’m sad that we can never go back to that. From the setting, to the soundtrack, right down to the fonts. Clocking in at over 41 minutes, this is clearly considered on the longer side for such things, but as far as I’m concerned, it could be three times as long and I’d still be on board. Beer guzzling primates, trailer parks, boobs for no reason. What’s not to like?

WKND’s “New Board” – American Psycho Skit

“American Psycho” has been spoofed in countless ways since it was first released in theaters back in 2000, and the ones that try like ever-loving hell to be hilarious are usually the worst ones.

“New Board” does it right, falling way outside the “worst” category. Showing off a new board like Patrick Bateman and his fellow narcissist douche-lords showed off their business cards in the film this is based on is a clever but easy and workable twist to this trope, making it not feel trope-y at all.

Worth pointing out that the clip could have been a bit shorter, as I did find myself scrubbing ahead to get to what I knew was coming . . . the hint at gore. A solid beginning and end excuses a bit of a snooze in the middle though, no problem.

Transworld’s “Free Your Mind” – Taxi Driver Skit

The intro to this one could very easily be the intro to a gay porno, and I’m not saying that as though it’s a good or bad thing, I’m just saying that for the record.

Aside from that, I immediately took notice of how insane laptops looked back in 2003. Here we have a clip that’s trying to look very ‘90s, while not actually being filmed in the ‘90s. No critique there, it’s a stylistic choice that will never not work. Every year past 1999 has sucked ass, and if you disagree, you’re just wrong.

The lengthy credits on this “Taxi Driver” skit tell me that a lot of money went into this, and it shows. The editing is tight and right. The sound keeps everything moving at a pace that helps to hold attention. And the skating shown throughout feels breezy, not overly “showy.” Others should follow suit.

DGK’s “Parental Advisory” – Randall’s Wings Skit

Watching children be edgy in something feels very 2012, so this one dates itself from the jump, but it’s clear to see what they’re going for. Youths and boobs and booze, there’s nothing new here, but if you’re into watching kids smoke blunts while sitting on the couch next to big-breasted women old enough to be their mothers, then here’s the skit for you?

I felt less like calling someone’s manager at the half-way point, where the skating picks up. What’s the over/under on most people in this video being made entirely of rubber? Can you imagine? I seriously injured my hand the other day just pulling weeds.

Critiques by: Kelly McClure
Intro by: Ben Komins
Illustration by: Wilson Lucas
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