If you’ve been paying attention to skate videos for the last few years, you’ve probably picked up on something: there is a winning formula that editors are following to make a trendy video. You might think that’s a bad thing, since skateboarding is supposed to be about originality and creativity, however, in the world we live in today, being perfectly on-trend is what makes things ultra-shareable on Instagram (which we all know is the ultimate cultural capital).
After studying countless videos, I think I’ve finally cracked the formula. Just follow these simple steps if you want your 12-minute homie edit to actually get some views.
Assemble a crew that looks the part
Chuck Taylor’s, wallrides, steep tail drops, face and head tats… This kind of skater is a must. You can get away with a few homies in Dunks, but make sure they’re wearing baggy light wash denim. It’s hard to make a 19-year-old who just moved to New York for art school stand out, so you have to make sure everyone comes correct with their fits.
Put two random words together
Strawberry Plug, Metal Curve, Dick Pimp. What do all of these titles have in common? They mean almost nothing to the viewer but still rack up a ton of views. Use these as your reference points. Maybe call it “New Lighter,” because lighters make fire, and your video is going to be fire and get a bunch of fire emoji comments. Fuck it, name it “:;” so nobody knows what to call your video. It doesn’t matter what the title means, as long as it gets the people going!
Find the right soundtrack
Find a local hardcore band and ask them if you could use their song for free. There are bound to be a ton from your small hometown looking for a big break. If they need some extra convincing, tell them this feature could turn them into the next Turnstile. Just make sure the singer isn’t one of those old hardcore dudes with a high school girlfriend – you don’t want to have a 15-page SLAP thread about how your T-shirt brand loves abusers.
Bonus tip: throw in a pop hit from the early 2000s to play both sides of the field: punk and quirky.
Slow-mo, Slow-mo, Slow-mo
You’re gonna wanna build the drama up in your video as much as possible, and slow-mo is one of the best ways to give your video a feeling of suspense. Cops are pretty stressful, too, so if any show up to the spot, make sure you catch them on camera. Even if the cops don’t give a shit that you’re skating, you should still film them (in slow-mo, of course) because what’s more badass than showing people that the police came to bust you? Nothing, besides maybe a few slow-mo zoom-ins of your friend’s bloody hands.
Don’t sweat the technique
Camera shake used to be a bad thing, but now it’s part of the aesthetic so you’ll wanna make sure to get your form on lock. Chomp down a 50mg Adderall before the sesh for that authentic Parkinsons’ vibe.
Skateboarders are notoriously dirty, so you won’t want to miss the opportunity to show the grimey side of skating if possible. Skating dirt hills is a way to show that you’re out there spot hunting in unexpected places and not afraid to get a little dusty. Have your homie with the sketchiest style in the crew drop in on a dirt hill bomb (can’t make it look too easy!), and also make sure the homie doesn’t roll away first try. That way, you can catch a clip of them falling and rolling down the hill. Once they get up, you’re going to want to film them walking back up the hill (in ultra slow-mo again) and make sure your angle shows how much dirt they got on their white T-shirt.
Smoke ’em if you got ’em
Cigs are timeless. Even though you are literally burning money, it’s an easy way to make whatever mundane thing you are doing look cool, so it’s kinda worth it. If your b-roll shot of the homies sitting at the spot is looking flat, just toss someone a cig and have them light up, then exhale directly onto the lens. Instant gold.
Send it to every mag after you post
Gone are the days when you needed skate mags to run your videos. Why would you let a magazine add an ugly watermark or bumper on your video just so they can premiere it on their YouTube? Fuck it, run it on your own channel, and send it to all the mags a few hours after you drop it.
Don’t worry if most of them say no, we know one mag that will 100% run it for free!
Note from the editor: send all your video submissions to [email protected] and make sure to cc: [email protected] so he’s forced to watch them all.
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September 14, 2022 12:50 pm
Jenkem your articles have been shit lately.. you need to come through with some slammers yo!
1 dope article is greater than 100 shitty ones. Just save your time and energy so that people aren’t consistently disappointed when coming to your site. Am I bummed if I come on here and there’s been no new updates? Not neeeearly as bummed as coming on here only to find shitty post after shitty post.
As Biden would say, “come on man!”.
September 14, 2022 1:07 pm
what about the 10 before this one?
September 14, 2022 7:19 pm
fuck off kook
September 14, 2022 8:02 pm
Yeah donkey, you’re not even from here kook. Jenkems for the (gay) boys! We grew here, you flew here! Beat it!
September 14, 2022 9:34 pm
September 15, 2022 9:55 am
This is great. 100% spot on! I love how skateboarding isn’t afraid to call itself out or make fun of itself. Don’t take it too seriously. This shows how skateboarders are all becoming too similar to each other…which I do not mind. I long for the days where you could spot a skater by his fit. There was a long time where you couldn’t do that.