DETAILS
What does your 11 quarters get you? A 23.5 ounce can of 12% ABV malt beverage artificially flavored to resemble Strawberry Lemonade, Blueberry Pomegranate, Grape, or Raspberry Watermelon.

While none of these flavors could be described as “good” in any conventional sense, I’ve found that the Raspberry Watermelon is best, almost approaching the quality of off-brand soda. Though the can boasts “MADE WITH REAL JUICE”, its unnaturally vibrant color and harshly chemical taste makes me suspect that this “juice” it claims to be made with is sourced from glow sticks rather than fruit. However, nobody with properly functioning taste buds is purchasing this drink for its taste. Colt 45 Blast should be sought out only for its effects, which are not to be underestimated. As the name suggests, it gets you blasted. Very, very, blasted.

Like wine or tequila, Colt 45 Blast offers a very distinct drunk. One that is very feral and violently carefree. The best way for me to describe it is that it feels like every atom inside you is desperately trying to escape your body, making you emit obnoxiously loud noises and karate chop / dropkick everything in your path.

Colt 45 Blast is the fuel for bad deeds and even worse decisions. Although turning a boring night into a regrettable one can be a good time every once in a while, I can by no means recommend drinking Colt 45 Blast on a regular basis. Like Las Vegas, Amsterdam, or any other epicenter of vice, the world of artificially flavored malt beverages is fun to visit, but not to live in. At least not if you enjoy a life that is filled with intact personal relationships and lacking visits to a parole officer.

RATING: 2 OUT OF 5

Words: Stuart Inamura
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