There was always something a little strange about Shane O’Neill. Those glazed over, lifeless eyes. How he looks exactly the same in every single photo. The combinations usually reserved for button mashing video games.
Turns out we weren’t far from the truth, Shane is much more than a great skateboarder, he is a high-tech biorobot. Developed back in 1989 to become the most sophisticated and technologically advanced skateboarder ever, Shane has become even more lifelike as technology has accelerated. We met up with him in the underground Multinex lab deep in Austrailia, where he was getting a 16G RAM increase before the next Street League stop.
Shane, what is your operating name
What is your purpose?
MISSION 1: WIN SKATEBOARDING
MISSION 2: BOLTS
Who sent you?
JARGONERROR #41261522 – SECURITY ACCESS DENIED
If you are a bio-robot why don’t you just land everything 100% first try?
MY SOFTWARE ENGINE RUNS ON GUS9102, A HIGHLY ADVANCED SYSTEM THAT CALCULATES RISK, SPOT SELECTION AND HUMAN GRAVITY TO MAINTAIN A 95% TRICK ACCURACY. 95% IS WHAT I AM SET TO FOR SUPERIOR HUMAN REALISM.
What do you enjoy doing during your freetime?
DOWNLOADING TRICKS. SOFTWARE REPAIR. ORGANISM MAINTENANCE. BETA PROGRAM TESTING.
What’s a robo-penis like?
MALE GENITALIA OPERATIONAL. GROWTH AT 250% OCCURS WHEN LANDING BOLTS OR CONTEST WIN. DISREGARD FEMALES, ACQUIRE CURRENCY.
How will you go through with your mission?
1: WIN STREETLEAGUE
2: WIN BERRICS
3: TERMINATE ALL THAT OPPOSE
What type of technology were your developed on?
GUS9102 RUNS ON A ADVANCED PHILOHUMAN TECHNOLOGY, BIOSCANVEN SIMILAR TO THE OUTDATED AND PUBLIC MODEL KNOWN AS BINA48.
Well thank you Zigram23, best of luck in Street League
PLEASE CALL ME SHANE.
Alright “Shane”, goodluck
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