Since the dawn of Thrasher and Transworld, writers have used phrases like, “Certified legend” or “On and off the board” hundreds, if not thousands of times. Hell, we’ve even fallen victim to them from time to time. But what do they really mean, and why does the skateboard media keep repeating them like moronic Cavemen?
To help you out, we compiled the most blatant verbal violators and decoded them for you all to understand. Now, the next time you run across one of these sentence fillers, you’ll know what they really mean, and if you dream of working in the skateboard industry, just sprinkle around these 7 phrases below and you’ll sound like a “skate linguist” in no time!
“Lets his/her skating do the talking”
Example: “[Jamie Palmore] obviously lets his skating do the talking, and this line through downtown San Diego is one in a million.”
Translation: When a writer can’t pry more than stoney one-sentence answers out of a skateboarder, they use this as a bland way to say, “Hey, this skater sure can skate but they sure as fuck can’t assemble a complete sentence. Oh well, at least they rip!”
Example: “Let’s rewind to the year 2005 when Chima [Ferguson] unleashed this part that still drops jaws in 2018—hammers upon hammers. We can’t wait for his new part in the upcoming Vans vid. Certified LEGEND”
Translation: Whoever’s been handing out these certificates really needs to stop. If you ever stepped on a skateboard in the ’70s or ’80s, smoked crack, or aren’t too shy to milk the clout from your 10+ year-old video part, congratulations…you’re a certified legend, brah! Apparently skateboarding is made up of 50% certified legends, 50% new jacks, and no one in between.
“On and off the board”
Example: “Earning the respect of her peers, both on and off the board, Nora [Vasconcellos] shares the experiences that have shaped her life.”
Translation: Maybe the most meaningless wordplay a skateboard writer has ever come up with. Writers revert to this when they can’t think of a single thing to say about a skateboarder other than the fact that they skate and aren’t total degenerate assholes.
“Do(es) it for the love”
Example: “Taking It To The Street for the Love of Skateboarding”
Translation: Just a nicer way of saying, “This person will never be properly hooked up or paid a living wage to skate.”
[Synonym: “Do(es) it for the homies”]
“Stoke(d) your/him/her-self out”
Example: “This [Canasta] video just stokes us out, plain and simple.”
Translation: Writers use this gem when they’re stuck coming up with 500 words to fill out a formulaic article they’re being paid to run by the mag’s advertisers. They usually have nothing unique to say about the clip or photos except
they’re boring as fuck it totally gets them pumped, man!
Example: “When you were partying, what were you doing exactly?”
Translation: When anyone in the industry doesn’t want to (or is obligated not to) admit when someone dabbles in hard drugs, the writer can whitewash the situation with this non-secret secret.
Everyone knows the real breakdown:
– partying = cocaine and / or every intoxicating substance under the sun
– used to party = currently just sticking to beer, weed, and maybe some occasional hallucinogens
– sober = no intoxicants whatsoever (but all the turmeric juice you can handle)
“Pro as fuck”
Example: “Congrats @samarriabrevard! PRO AS FUCK for @enjoi”
Translation: Meaningless padding to a simple factual statement. Can someone only be “kinda pro” or “super goddamn pro”? Don’t be surprised if desperate writers start throwing out “am as hell” or “flow as shit” soon.
DOES SIZE MATTER?
I hit up physical therapist Dr. Kyle Brown for some insight on whether or not our height plays a noticeable role in how we skate.
A FIRST LOOK AT OPERA AND SKATEBOARDING’S NEWEST GROUP OF BRANDS
Bill Weiss and a few of his close friends are picking up the pieces from the Dwindle rubble and starting fresh with a new slew of brands.
HOW CHAD CARUSO SKATED ACROSS AMERICA
Chad did it the way most skateboarders would: independently and without much of a plan.
WHAT HAPPENED TO GERSHON MOSLEY?
From punching Andrew Reynolds, to not getting "pimped" by the industry, Gershon covers everything you wanted to know.
JOSH KALIS ON BUILDING AN INDOOR SKATEPARK WITH GRANITE FROM LOVE PARK
"Laying the granite tiles was the most torturous part because you’re on your knees. It was a month straight of doing 1,600 tiles."
May 18, 2018 3:42 pm
It makes my skin crawl when people use the term “all terrain vehicles” to describe skaters like GT or Daan.
May 18, 2018 6:56 pm
damn! forgot that one. ahhahahahah so good!
May 22, 2018 5:24 am
I agree, ‘multi-disciplinary athlete’ is more apt.
May 22, 2018 7:42 am
Haha, never knew what that “V” meant, coming from a land where cars are small.
May 22, 2018 11:53 am
European Bob, sorted, anyway, we’ll have a dance now, see ya later.
May 19, 2018 1:59 pm
Perfect analysis of “on and off the board.” It’s kind of like saying someone’s a “nice guy,” which really means you can’t think of anything else to say about them, and reflects how boring they actually are. I remember reading some interview about that or something.
May 19, 2018 3:09 pm
the skater’s skater should definitely be up there
May 23, 2018 11:36 pm
Yess word wtf does that actually even mean? I guess they use it to describe underrated skaters?
May 25, 2018 10:16 am
the skaters skater to me meant that a really good skater still backs another really good skater . like jake johnson is a lot of good skaters skaters . makes sense ?
October 30, 2020 8:29 am
Just like saying a guy is a “man’s man”, it means the guy is the ckassic example of the best there is. A skater’s skater would be a very good one that other skaters aspire to be like.
May 19, 2018 5:37 pm
Pros on IG behave like Pokémon. They’re only capable of saying: ‘Cheers G🍻’
May 21, 2018 11:19 am
Don’t forget about, “GANG !”
May 21, 2018 11:29 am