April 27, 2011/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 121


There comes a time in every man’s life when they inevitably ask themselves, “Am I a longboarder?” When this point comes, stop what you are doing. Don’t panic. It may have happened when you found yourself staring at the larger, bigger boarded people on the street, with their shirts off, sweat glistening in the sun. It may have began when you had urges to go faster while wearing tight leather pants and a hemet for “protection”. It may have happened after you stumbled upon beastiality. These feelings are natural, and it can be a very confusing time for a young person who might really be a longboarder.

To help you though this turbulent time, we here at Jenkem Magazine have put together a “Touch Your Inner Longboarder™,” questionnaire. If you check at least one of these off, you may be a longboarder.

1) Do I enjoy mallgrabbing the board more than actually riding it?

2) Do I like it longer and skinnier than shorter and fatter?

3) Did I try skateboarding? Was I terrible? Could I not ollie, do tricks, ride?

4) Does dressing in Oakley sunglasses, Element plaid shorts, flip flops and tight Hurley t-shirts that show off my ripped beach bod really express who I am?

5) When riding, do I tend to push my body forward and get on all fours for maximum speed? Do I rest my hands on my ass because it’s more aerodynamic?

6) Do I label myself as an adrenaline junkie? Would I participate in freerunning or cliffjumping to get other totally extreme rushes?

7) Am I a hip 40+ year old yuppie dad thats “still got it?” Do I force my kids to follow me around with their Razor scooter as I shred the concrete waves of Long Island?

If you have shown any of these signs, don’t worry – your life is still worth living. You still have a great supportive community of rollerbladers, scooter kids and college goons.

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  1. Eric

    July 31, 2012 2:35 am

    What’s with this hatred? Longboarding and skateboarding are both great. I personally enjoy longboarding because it feels smoother and get a nice quick ride with it. It’s all preference. I will say that both the skateboarding and longboarding have their share of douchebags but there are a few percentage of longboarders that do it because it’s truly something they enjoy doing. Like for me, it’s not about showing off because as long as I’m having fun riding, that’s all that should matter. too many people however are longboarding because that’s where the trend is. Pop culture sucks…plain and simple. EVERYONE! Skate and have fun! :)

  2. Ellis

    August 12, 2012 6:33 pm

    Longboarding and skateboarding are the same thing. If youre going to rail on people, rail on people who are only half-assed into their sport for some aesthetic reason.
    I ride short and long boards, and have a ton of fun on both. I hope someday you can do the same. It is hard to imagine shortboarders acting like this, since they are definitely in the majority and are supported by a massive industry. Longboarding is blowing up in terms of popularity, but Im definitely not supporting myself with my winnings or anything. Nobody is. Its a huge time sink with no promise of any sort of financial payoff. Its all about the stoke.

  3. joscha

    August 14, 2012 5:45 pm

    Ja ja Bla bla…
    What was First?
    Surfin, then Longboarding, then Skatin´

    But if thats the only problems in the world which u have, thats ok for me :)
    its all about fun, and if a gay 50 year old father enjoys longboardin, i dont have a problem

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