April 27, 2011/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 121


There comes a time in every man’s life when they inevitably ask themselves, “Am I a longboarder?” When this point comes, stop what you are doing. Don’t panic. It may have happened when you found yourself staring at the larger, bigger boarded people on the street, with their shirts off, sweat glistening in the sun. It may have began when you had urges to go faster while wearing tight leather pants and a hemet for “protection”. It may have happened after you stumbled upon beastiality. These feelings are natural, and it can be a very confusing time for a young person who might really be a longboarder.

To help you though this turbulent time, we here at Jenkem Magazine have put together a “Touch Your Inner Longboarder™,” questionnaire. If you check at least one of these off, you may be a longboarder.

1) Do I enjoy mallgrabbing the board more than actually riding it?

2) Do I like it longer and skinnier than shorter and fatter?

3) Did I try skateboarding? Was I terrible? Could I not ollie, do tricks, ride?

4) Does dressing in Oakley sunglasses, Element plaid shorts, flip flops and tight Hurley t-shirts that show off my ripped beach bod really express who I am?

5) When riding, do I tend to push my body forward and get on all fours for maximum speed? Do I rest my hands on my ass because it’s more aerodynamic?

6) Do I label myself as an adrenaline junkie? Would I participate in freerunning or cliffjumping to get other totally extreme rushes?

7) Am I a hip 40+ year old yuppie dad thats “still got it?” Do I force my kids to follow me around with their Razor scooter as I shred the concrete waves of Long Island?

If you have shown any of these signs, don’t worry – your life is still worth living. You still have a great supportive community of rollerbladers, scooter kids and college goons.

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  1. Jargh

    November 26, 2011 11:41 am

    This is rediculous you’re prolly like most of todays shortboarders which are hipsters with tall ts and girl pants..and what kind of skateboarder are you to call yourself when your dissing the very foundation on which a lot of the sport was built on. Skateboarding is skateboarding. Park street pool freeride slalom downhill. Skate everything. Plus I bet people that do flat ground slow board flips…couldn’t handle trying to make a corner goin 50mph with 4 other people less than arms lengths away. I love skateboarding.
    You obviously don’t.

  2. Brendo

    February 20, 2012 2:59 pm

    I can still push faster than any of you Dongboarders. Great read! now I’m a fan of this site.

  3. stankman

    July 9, 2012 11:07 am

    blah blah blah come skate at a race you teenage fuck heads and put your money where your mouth is.

    kooks are kooks and they live in every corner of the skateboarding world. Can you bomb a hill on a park set up? fuck yes, and its fun as hell! But you cant fly around a corner at 50+ on one, and you know deep down those fat ass soft wheels are way faster on hills.

    Skate everything. Skate parks, skate street, skate hills, skate cones and do it on whatever you want to. But don’t fucking hate on someone because they like to use a different style of skate to do it. Yes you can ollie a longboard, and yes you can bomb a hill on a street skate, but try doing the ollieing and the bombing on the right boards and you might find its a lot more fun!

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