April 27, 2011/ / ARTICLES/ Comments: 121


There comes a time in every man’s life when they inevitably ask themselves, “Am I a longboarder?” When this point comes, stop what you are doing. Don’t panic. It may have happened when you found yourself staring at the larger, bigger boarded people on the street, with their shirts off, sweat glistening in the sun. It may have began when you had urges to go faster while wearing tight leather pants and a hemet for “protection”. It may have happened after you stumbled upon beastiality. These feelings are natural, and it can be a very confusing time for a young person who might really be a longboarder.

To help you though this turbulent time, we here at Jenkem Magazine have put together a “Touch Your Inner Longboarder™,” questionnaire. If you check at least one of these off, you may be a longboarder.

1) Do I enjoy mallgrabbing the board more than actually riding it?

2) Do I like it longer and skinnier than shorter and fatter?

3) Did I try skateboarding? Was I terrible? Could I not ollie, do tricks, ride?

4) Does dressing in Oakley sunglasses, Element plaid shorts, flip flops and tight Hurley t-shirts that show off my ripped beach bod really express who I am?

5) When riding, do I tend to push my body forward and get on all fours for maximum speed? Do I rest my hands on my ass because it’s more aerodynamic?

6) Do I label myself as an adrenaline junkie? Would I participate in freerunning or cliffjumping to get other totally extreme rushes?

7) Am I a hip 40+ year old yuppie dad thats “still got it?” Do I force my kids to follow me around with their Razor scooter as I shred the concrete waves of Long Island?

If you have shown any of these signs, don’t worry – your life is still worth living. You still have a great supportive community of rollerbladers, scooter kids and college goons.

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  1. Great Place

    June 1, 2019 2:02 am

    nice post

  2. test

    September 17, 2019 4:53 pm

    alert(“Just testing… :P”)

  3. Mikel

    March 28, 2021 9:47 am

    I’m a 40+ cool dad that “still got it” and the last one is the best XD
    good stuff! dumb comments apart…

  4. typical

    June 1, 2022 2:14 pm

    This is a perfect example of what’s wrong with skateboarding and why it struggles in almost every way. Full of haters. Always looking for something to hate about other people who might want to get into skateboarding. Talk to actually good skaters and they don’t have this attitude. It’s always half ass skaters who need to hate to try to make themselves cool. a shame

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