WARNING: We’re back again to call out more of the overused and horrid phrases that skateboarding likes to regurgitate! If you missed our first installment, we’re on a mission to expose the mindless phrases skate writers have been shitting out for years like a busted porta potty.
So we compiled some of the most blatant verbal violators and decoded them for all to understand. The next time you run across one of these sentence fillers, you can read between the lines to know what the writer really means. And if you’re crazy enough to want to work in the skateboard industry, start sprinkling these phrases into your vocabulary and you’ll sound like a “skate linguist” in no time!
(Insert City Name)’s Finest
Example: “Peep this Bangin’ and reintroduce yourself to one of Chicago’s finest.”
Translation: You probably haven’t heard of this skater before, and anyone outside of a five-mile radius of the city hasn’t either.
Example: “Hopefully, Evan can always have fun dropping ‘grown-man hammers.'”
Translation: When a trick is done on something over five feet tall, it automatically enters “hammer” territory. That’s all fine, but what we really need is a term for tricks done on spots under five feet tall. Maybe mallets? Like, “Did you see that Weeman part? He was really dropping mallets!”
The Good Homie
Translation: The “good homie” is someone who never quite made it as a sponsored skater and instead just became best friends with someone that did. Occasionally they’ll get free hand-me-down product or make a cameo on Instagram stories making people think they’re more than the mooch they really are.
Skateboarding Saved My Life
Example: “How Skateboarding Saved David Gonzalez”
Translation: If this person didn’t make it in skating, they were on track for a life filled with meth, heroin, gangs, or all three.
Favorite Skater’s Favorite Skater
Example: “Meet Nora Vasconcellos: Your Favorite Skater’s Favorite Skater”
Translation: You might not know who this person is but if you’re trying to work in the skateboard industry or look cool in front of your friends, you better start pretending you do. Example: Tom Penny, The Gonz.
Style for miles
Example: “From heavy magazine covers to dropping an unbelievable video part in 2015, having style for miles and landing hard tricks in a couple tries.”
Translation: This person looks like a natural on the board, but the author wanted to throw in a rhyme to fill out the otherwise boring article. Pro tip: rhyming in skateboarding is hard to pull off, and while it may be okay in Karl Watson’s children’s book, when describing the most subjective part of someone’s skating, please leave the rhymes behind. (See what I did there?)
All-Terrain Vehicle (ATV)
Example: “If you were to look up “all-terrain vehicle” in the skate dictionary, chances are that you’ll find a picture of Grant Taylor launching a frontside ollie above some peoples’ heads.”
Translation: This skater either has an energy drink or sports shoe sponsor and, while maintaining “street skater” status, also likes to roll around muddy tranny parks and scream incoherently.