There are only so many ways to dress up the act of skateboarding. One of our favorites here at Jenkem HQ is the “pants check”, which we’ve jokingly re-dubbed the “package handle”. It’s nothing more than a quick little adjustment of the jibblets right before a trick, but it goes a long way in terms of adding style to an otherwise mundane clip.

We’ve compiled our favorite package handles to show how adaptable it can be, and how much flavor it can add to your stale steeze. If you need to grab your junk while skating, at least make it memorable.

The Superstition

Everyone has their own thing that gets them through a tough trick. Reynolds does the three taps, P-Rod whispers sweet nothings into his hat, and apparently, Caswell likes to grab his sack, and then wipe his musty hand through his hair before throwing down. Maybe it’s superstition, or perhaps Caswell caught a lil’ itch from a girl he met on tour, but it’s an important reminder to square away your nuptials before handling business.

The Celebration

This isn’t an adjustment, it’s not even a handle, it’s a straight-up display. Stevie obviously wanted to show off how big he thought his dick was in the moments after landing a trick. This approach isn’t easy if you’re not packing heat down there, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for it if you just blew your own mind with a trick. You could even leave the boxers at home to increase definition.

The Pre-Teen

In typical Koston fashion, he had to throw in a middle finger to get this downgraded version of Stevie’s “celebration”. This is the skate parallel to how a bully brags about nailing the smallest nerd in middle school in the face with a dodgeball. If you’re gonna handle your package do it like a man, not a teenager. Even Koston grew up, right? Oh, nvm.

The Lil’ Tug

When you want to remind people your pants are 4 sizes too big, but don’t really need to adjust anything, try Wade D’s “lil’ tug”. Wade’s infamous clips over that busted yellow couch were so iconic that the trashy DIY spot became immortalized in Skate 3, but somehow those video game nerds forgot the tug. We know you won’t though.

The Hipster Hoist

K-Walks wanted to give himself a nice little moose knuckle to remind himself what was at stake before going all out on this lipslide. A true character move, since his pants are too tight to really sag. If you’re one of the biggest handrail skaters with absolutely zero fear, you might as well show off the source of your confidence.

The Front Wedgie

This is the lengthiest package handle on the list. P-Rod seems to enjoy giving himself a giant frontal wedgie before he wraps up his line. There’s nothing more awkward than having to pick out a crotch wedgie in public, but just like everything P-Rod does, he makes giving himself a crotch wedgie in public look good. Touché, motherfucker.

The showboat

Maybe you put on a fresh pair of cute undies before you went skating, or maybe you’ve been in the gym working on your squats. Either way “the showboat” is the perfect way to show off your thicc bod. Sidenote: this move isn’t suggested for folks with no meat on their bones or anyone who goes a few days without changing their boxers. Strictly fresh, no hesh.

The dainty fingers

Similar to P-Rod’s “front wedgie” but with special emphasis on making sure your style is 100% clean with no sag, drag, or lag. A light touch with this one is all you need to remind people of your superior board control. Combined with P-Rod’s foot wiggling, this maneuver is a quiet way of saying, “Watch out, I got this shit.”

Comments

  1. A-Jax

    June 7, 2018 2:46 am

    Appleyards clipper celebration in Flip sorry?!

    Reply

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