Welcome back, lurkers, to the next installment of Office Picks! The special time every month when we let ourselves out of our cages and tell you what we’re feeling. As much time as we at Jenkem spend thinking about ourselves, we pay attention to other junk too. We like music and movies, we enjoy a tasty beverage, hell, some of us can even read!

For the stragglers, see our November and December Office Picks.

Every month we’ll share the nerdy and not so nerdy things we’re listening to, reading, watching, eating, and ashamed of. Check out our January 2018 picks, you might even find something here more important in your life than Jenkem (as crazy as that may seem).

Listening to…

Orbital 20
You probably know “Halcyon” as the heavenly song in CKY before you see Phil shit. While there’s very few Orbital songs that capture that same otherworldly glory, the group does have about 20 years of bangers, good with or without a poo montage.

Reading…

Criticism on Eyes Wide Shut
After interviewing a well-known skateboarder who said he’d been to “elite” parties like the one in this movie, I rediscovered my obsession with Eyes Wide Shut. I spent the last week reading every possible analysis / conspiracy theory on the hidden imagery and folklore around this Stanley Kubrick masterpiece.

Watching…

Crack Clouds Over Hells Kitchen
Incredible DIY documentary made by a group of high school students in 1988 about the crack epidemic in Hell’s Kitchen. Candid and chilling, this one was recommended to me by skateboarder Jerry Mraz.

Brewing & Pooing…

Oatmeal w/ banana, sliced almonds & Nutella
If you mash it all together it kind of tastes like dessert for breakfast! Great for people with a sweet tooth or those interested in attaining some of the swiftest bowel movements in the game.

Best Memory of 2017…

Jenkem goes to Bronycon
Having the opportunity to party with Louie Barletta, Ben Raemers, and hundreds of grown men wearing pony costumes – you can’t make this shit up.

Listening to…

“Good Morning, Captain” – Slint
Brooding bass and grinding guitars build over tinny drums before exploding to conclude this fantastic album. This song reminds me for some reason of the time my dad stomped on a spider in the kitchen and a billion baby spiders burst out. Scary and unforgettable, but this time in a good way.

Reading…

Bluets – Maggie Nelson
A short and staggering book about being in love with the color blue. It’s filled with factoids about color perception, like that Acyanoblepsia, a disease that prevents people from seeing blue, can possibly be cured with Viagra. It’s pocket-sized and great for anyone going through seasonal or regular depression.

Watching…

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
From the director of In Bruges, this dark comic tragedy about revenge and corruption in small-town middle America is at turns funny, frightening, and complicating. It also stars Frances McDormand, who is a national treasure.

Brewing & Pooing…

Fried avocado and jalapeño tacos from Guero’s Brooklyn
This is most definitely one of my favorite spots in Crown Heights. The tacos paired with a large frozen margarita never fail to warm my spirits no matter how cold it is outside.

Best Memory of 2017…

Skate trip to Beirut
Visited the homeland with a crew of homies and spent the time drinking in the streets, getting yelled at by soldiers, and ogling the beautiful women. Even if all we have to show for it is a single IG clip, I’ll never forget the fun.

Listening to…

Duster
One of my best friends showed me this band recently that just so happens to be from our hometown of San Jose, CA. Pretty drony, spacey, and empty…just like life in San Jose!

Reading…

Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program –NYTimes
Call me crazy, but I vividly recall having an encounter with a UFO when I was about 15. Take this with a grain of salt, I guess.

Watching…

Television “1880 or So” on Jools Holland
Television is a fuckin’ amazing band, and just looking at how frontman Tom Verlaine is kitted out here, I bet he’s got a few guest tricks in the next 917 video.

Brewing & Pooing…

Duck ramen from Tendo Sushi
20-30° weather calls for countless meals consisting of soups and not much else. My ramen intake (and subsequently my sodium intake) has never been higher.

Best Memory of 2017…

My 24th Birthday
My friends know my vices well and got me a bottle of 1800, some Tecates, and a giant blow-up spliff. Unfortunately, some douchebags jumped out of a Benz and stole it from me when I was walking home and I was too hammered to do anything about it lol.

Listening to…

Raingurl – Yeaji
When my girlfriend first showed me Yeaji, I wasn’t into it at all. Then, after refusing to turn it off, it grew on me. Now I listen to this song and “Feel It Out” every time I get in my car.

Reading…

Don Quixote – Don Miguel Cervantes
I’ve read this book once before and it took me almost a year to finish. This time I’m determined to finish in under a year so I can actually retain the amazing stories at the beginning when I reach the end.

Watching…

Murder on the Orient Express
I never read the book so I cannot attest to it, but I sure hope the book was better than this horrid movie. This is the last time I pay to see a movie with Johnny Depp.

Brewing & Pooing…

Southern Comfort and Eggnog
Two shots of So Co. Four shots of nog. Horrible morning poos.

Best Memory of 2017…

Road Tripping with my girlfriend
After graduating college, my girlfriend and I planned to take a road trip to the west coast and hit as many National Parks as we can. No trip will ever be as fun or adventurous.

Listening to…

Mura Masa
Mura Masa puts soothing, singable lyrics over hip-hoppy beats. If you’re that annoying kid who raps along with music, you’ll probably find something you like here.

Reading…

Paul Ryan the magazine
Printed magazines like Mad and Cracked used to have the most “adult” satire I could get my hands on. Relive those little kid days with Paul Ryan, 20,000 sq. inches of satire about the most evil, most spineless, most shittiest Speaker of the House.

Watching…

Da Ali G Show
Like Nathan For You starring Eric Andre. Watch Sacha Borat Cohen skewer the world through the minds of a pot-addled wigga, a sociopathic Kazak, and a ruthlessly superficial fashion designer. Booyakasha!

Brewing & Pooing…

Oatmeal w/ pear or apple
Step up your oatmeal game with this cheap and customizable recipe. Easy to make enough for you and your main squeeze on a cold winter morning.

Best Memory of 2017…

Flying an airplane
We out!

Listening to…

Longmont Potion Castle
Hilarious, heavily distorted fuckery in the form of prank calls spanning from the 90’s into today. Available in full hour chunks online. Like the Jerky Boys as a surrealist noise band with Bane masks.

Reading…

Patrick Kyle – Everywhere Disappeared
Absurd, simple, short comics that cover topics like illegal piles, the creator of the smart phone, dracula, and an existential-nihilist gallery artist. Also random doodles. Fun!

Watching…

Squidbillies – season 11
This has been on the air for a goddamn decade but for those who don’t know, its an animated series about a family of redneck squids. The season 11 premiere is a half hour doozie featuring cartoon violence and cameos from a now cancelled [as] program.

Brewing & Pooing…

Healthade Kombucha – Pomegranate
I’m mad late to the kombucha game but this shit is honestly good and supposedly healthy. Expensive, though. Probably just stick to peeing directly into my mouth as my healthy beverage go to. B-

Best Memory of 2017…

Visiting the Grand Canyon
This is gonna sound corny but seeing that vast ass hole in the ground with my girlfriend, Ginx, was so nice. Close second, getting our rented Dodge Challenger up to 100 MPH. Truly delightful.

Comments

  1. pig FUCK

    January 2, 2018 1:43 am

    You guys are better than this. You don’t need to exploit your personal interests to convince us you’re cool, just keep covering weird shit.

    Reply
  2. happy new year

    January 2, 2018 1:45 pm

    rad!

    Reply
  3. shhMiguelQueso

    January 2, 2018 2:51 pm

    Big up the South Bay. Check out Hard Girls, my personal favorite band from San Jo

    Reply
  4. Jack Leung

    January 2, 2018 2:58 pm

    I’m from San Jose and I feel Alexis on the empty and drony feeling of SJ.

    Reply

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