After premiering State’s beautiful new video, “Liberado,” we cornered the team in a dark corner of our inbox and pressured them into playing a friendly game of “Would You Rather.” It’s kinda like the adult version of Truth or Dare, and no matter how guarded people’s responses are, they still end up feeling a little more deranged than they would have liked. Because we at Jenkem are already permanently damaged from the internet, we brainstormed some truly uncomfortable and maybe even fucked up questions for the State guys. Can’t wait to play again, dudes?
Would you rather make out with Andy Roy or eat scabs from Jake Phelps’ body?
Kevin Coakley: Ouuuuf that’s a tough one. Prob scabs.
Christian Maalouf: I’d need a round of vaccines after either I’m sure.
Jon Nguyen: Phelps’ scabs.
Ben Gore: I’d rather not be in the same square mile as Andy Roy or Jake Phelps.
Would you rather wash your hands with one of your teammate’s pee or wash your hair with your own pee?
Kevin Coakley: Of course my own. Is that even a question?
Christian Maalouf: I’ve had a bit of both happen at this point but I bathe a lot so neither would be too uncomfortable.
Jon Nguyen: Own pee.
Would you rather cut your own hair or have one of your teammates cut your hair?
Kevin Coakley: One of my teammates for sure.
Christian Maalouf: Again, done both, not sure who I trust less.
Jon Nguyen: I can see Maalouf being good at cutting hair.
Would you rather get Rob Dyrdek’s Monster Energy tattoo or Sheckler’s name tattoo?
Kevin Coakley: Shecks.
Christian Maalouf: Sheckler for sure.
Jon Nguyen: Monster.
Would you rather spend an international plane ride listening only to Taylor Swift’s new album or being sandwiched between two fat, sweaty men?
Kevin Coakley: You don’t like Taylor Swift?
Christian Maalouf: Fat men with a good soundtrack.
Jon Nguyen: Taylor Swift + Xanax.
Would you rather smuggle drugs up your butt or in your stomach?
Kevin Coakley: Stomach? How? Like if I had a big beer belly?
Christian Maalouf: If you push them deep enough you can do both.
Jon Nguyen: Stomach.
Would you rather shit your pants in the secrecy of the van or piss your pants at a public spot?
Kevin Coakley: Shit secretly and then go in for a clean up.
Christian Maalouf: Depends what color pants I’m wearing.
Jon Nguyen: Piss my pants.
Would you rather go on one horrible tour but get a lot of clips or go on 10 great trips and only get a few clips?
Kevin Coakley: 10 great trips, obviously.
Christian Maalouf: When’s the deadline?
Jon Nguyen: 10 trips.
Would you rather wear a wig made of your friend’s pubes or wear a beard made of a stranger’s pubes?
Kevin Coakley: Friend’s pubes.
Christian Maalouf: Is my hair so bad that you guys want it gone?
Jon Nguyen: Pube wig.
Would you rather drink a stranger’s bottle of piss for free or eat your friend’s turd for $200?
Kevin Coakley: Piss over shit.
Christian Maalouf: Is rent due?
Jon Nguyen: Turd.
Your dad’s dick is in your ass and your dick is in your mom’s ass. Would you rather back up or move forward?
Kevin Coakley: Oh, come on man nooo. Just stop it.
Christian Maalouf: Pass.
Jon Nguyen: [No answer]
On an airplane, would you rather get caught having sex with an average looking girl or get away with having sex with a 70-year-old woman?
Kevin Coakley: Get caught.
Christian Maalouf: I had my first wedding anniversary a few months ago so let’s sit on this one for a bit.
Jon Nguyen: Betty White.
Would you rather stare at a dude’s dick for 24 hours or touch it once and never have to see it again?
Kevin Coakley: Neither. Come on.
Christian Maalouf: How much time do I have to kill?
Jon Nguyen: Sock a dick.
Would you rather witness someone murder 100 people or murder one person yourself?
Kevin Coakley: I’d rather not answer any of these questions tbh.
Christian Maalouf: Is the one person I have to kill Ben Gore?
Jon Nguyen: I’d murder the person behind these amateur “Would you rathers.”