Welcome back, lurkers, to the next installment of Office Picks! The special time every month when we let ourselves out of our cages and tell you what we’re feeling. As much time as we at Jenkem spend thinking about ourselves, we pay attention to other junk too. We like music and movies, we enjoy a tasty beverage, hell, some of us can even read! (For the stragglers, see our November Office Picks.)

Every month we’ll share the nerdy and not so nerdy things we’re listening to, reading, watching, eating, and ashamed of. Check out our December 2017 picks, you might even find something here more important in your life than Jenkem (as crazy as that may seem).

Listening to…

Tyris White x MC Holocaust – “Bitch I’d Rather Go to Hell”
This shit is steeped in the great Southern tradition of lo-fi slasher rap like Gangsta Pat and Tommy Wright III. It’s the audible equivalent of the silk lining of a buried coffin – smooth, dark and surrounded by dirt. (See the middle of the most recent Hotel Blue edit for some more Doomshop Records tracks.)

Reading…

Kids These Days: Human Capital and the Makings of Millenials by Malcolm Harris
Do you feel like everything sucks? You’re not alone, everything does suck, and by “everything” I mean the increasingly unfair demands of late capitalism. This book breaks down how our generation was sold a dream we can’t afford and have had to shill ourselves on social media just to survive in the modern economy. (It was written by the brother of a Jenkem contributor, so buy it and tangentially support a skateboarder in the process!)

Watching…

Ragdoll flipping off that security guard after wallriding in the Pig video “Slaughterhouse”
Skateboarding is just so fucking funny sometimes. Here we have a dude that goes by the name “Ragdoll” angrily gesticulating at an unarmed minimum-wage worker tasked with putting an end to the stylish shenanigans of minor property destruction that the dude with the camera somehow gets paid to film. It’s so absurd – and Ragdoll embodies that irreverent ethos. Gotta love it!

Brewing & Pooing…

Baked Chipotle Tofu
I’ve recently gone vegetarian for environmental and ethical reasons (also because all the girls I fall for encourage it) and I’ve finally come around to eating what I once considered the blandest of culinary transgressions, tofu. This stuff is pre-packaged for lazy lettuce and tomato sandwiches or salads.

Ashamed of…

Men
You don’t need a mother, sister, or daughter to see how sexist our society is, just talk to a woman – and actually hear and believe them! Talk less, listen more, investigate your biases and speak out against others’. And finally admit that you’ll never be even half as good at skating as either Elissa Steamer or Leticia Bufoni!

Listening to…

DJ Krush – Krush [Full Album]
I’ve been skating cinder blocks & BBQing on the warmer days at Jenkem HQ with Mike Bloom (who mixes all the Jenkem Mixes) and this album has been our go-to. Super spunky, jazzy beats to keep you inspired while grilling on an open flame.

Reading…

All sorts of dumb Bitcoin news
I put $300 bucks into Bitcoin earlier this year just to have some skin in the game and follow along. So far it’s done well and now I’m addicted to checking the price constantly and annoying my friends about it. Bitcoin nerds holla at me!

Watching…

Howard Stern – Interns 24 Hour Handcuff Segment
This one is peak Howard for me. They make two interns who hate each other handcuff themselves together for 24 hours, with incentives for each hour spent together. I believe this is where Thrasher might have got the KOTR challenge idea from?

Brewing & Pooing…

Tony’s Pizza in Bushwick
If you can walk by this spot and get a whiff of the fresh exhaust in the winter and not buy a slice, good for you.

Ashamed of…

My kickflips in the winter
So so bad.


Listening to…

Spacemen 3 – Playing With Fire
This is one of those albums I got super into in college because I thought it sounded like what being on drugs felt like. Revisiting it now, it still kinda feels that way. Drugs are bad, kids. Stay in school.

Reading…

RIP Bullett
Sad to see a publication air out their shortcomings so publicly, but the death of Bullett is kind of a sign of the times. Modern “culture” and the content we value is shifting, and “keeping up” and “staying relevant” can be daunting. Why even continue? A question that can be applied to skateboarding as a whole, when you think about it.

Watching…

Pitchfork’s “Liner Notes” series
Breaking down some of the best albums of all time in ~5 min bits. Great if you love to nerd out on stories from studio sessions or about band infighting bullshit. I’m sure you’ll find an episode fitting for your own taste (not all episodes are cataloged in this playlist, btw).

Brewing & Pooing…

Palomas
Not talking that Williamsburg/Bushwick/LES fancy bullshit that bartenders garnish with thyme leaves, tho. Mix together some tequila (1800 Silver is my personal choice), Squirt, lime juice, and a little salt. Try it with your next Mexican dinner, trust me.

Ashamed of…

This shameless self promo
I play drums in a band called Native Sun and we just put out our first EP, which you can listen to on Spotify or Apple Music.

Listening to…

Kate Bush – “Babooshka”
The music video speaks for itself!

Reading…

“48 Hours on the Dark Side of Las Vegas” – Narratively
A filthy rich Malaysian entrepreneur, tunnel cities, orgies, and drugs. This is the Vegas tell-all.

Watching…

“Zumbo’s Just Desserts” – Netflix
Zumbo is a legendary pastry chef in Australia and now he’s looking for someone to work in his Willy Wonka-like bakery. The show gets hectic when the one passive aggressive judge wanders from station to station and makes the chefs freak out and change everything about their desserts. The Australian accents are a pleasant change too.

Brewing & Pooing…

Cupid’s Kiss Pink Mascato
Must be consumed straight from the bright pink bottle to feel the full effect of this $10 beauty.

Ashamed of…

Seeing and talking to everyone from high school at a shitty bar on Thanksgiving Eve.

Listening to…

Longform Podcast ep. 183 “Jia Tolentino”
This episode can be reassuring for anyone with an urge to make a living with their creative endeavors. Tolentino gives great, practical advice on succeeding as a writer, and now she writes the most intriguing and fun cultural commentary for The New Yorker.

Reading…

IT by Stephen King
I’m a fuck boy for this one. I started reading this after I saw the 2017 movie then went back and watched the 90s version. This is my first Stephen King book and I’m not even a quarter through but it’s funny, way bigger than either movie, and chock full o’ psychopaths.

Watching…

“Nathan For You” season 4 – Comedy Central
Nathan is a pathological liar and manipulative genius masquerading as a small business consultant. His brilliance comes from being able to do things like make a froyo shop sell poop flavored yogurt but make you feel good about it. Or at least he makes me feel that type of way, so what does that say about me?

Brewing & Pooing…

Cheapskate Hot Toddy
I have no idea how close or far this is to a real hot toddy, but it’s good for dealing with a cold/sore throat and simultaneously getting tipsy.

Ashamed of…

Calling my friend a “bitch” for skipping my song at karaoke
I was the real bitch.

Listening to…

“Pearly” – Palm
Imagine laying naked on a Caribbean beach. You’re peaking on mushrooms. A sea turtle whispers 80’s pop songs into your ear. Damn, steel drums would be a cool instrument to learn.

Reading…

Megg & Mogg in Amsterdam (And Other Stories) by Simon Hanselmann
Megg & Mogg are a witch and a cat who hang out with an owl and werewolf Jones. They’re constantly getting violently fucked up on drugs and beer. Hell yes, bitch.

Watching…

Killing of a Sacred Deer
Very dark tragicomedy from director Yorgos Lathimos, (Dogtooth/The Lobster). You’ll nervously laugh, you’ll feel anxious, you’ll walk around with a lingering existential dread for the next two weeks. One and 3/4 thumbs up.

Brewing & Pooing…

La Croix Curate Mure Pepino (Blackberry Cucumber)
Oh yeah. La Croix Curate Mure Pepino Blackberry Cucumber. Muah! Like having an ocean sunset eat your butt in a 1961 Jaguar E-Type with the top down.

Ashamed of…

Pissing all over the back of my legs because I didn’t notice my acorn resting on the toilet seat while playing “Super Mario Odyssey” and indulging in a big diarrhea.
Everyone should get a Nintendo Switch (not getting paid to write this).

Comments

  1. tig

    November 30, 2017 12:54 pm

    re. kids-these-days literature
    ‘for the first time in history, ever’ vs. merely the ‘next gen up’
    = ‘wising up’ across the lifespan.

  2. fuckbufoni

    November 30, 2017 1:20 pm

    christian kerr, you talk about ragdoll flipping off a minimum wage security guard, but he probably makes more money than ragdoll, and has benefits. and your whole spiel on sexism… you list leticia bufoni, who actively built her scantily clad career on leggings and implants. of all the female skaters available…you could’ve thrown Sammaria Brevard or Alexis Sablone into the mix instead.

    • Christian Kerr

      November 30, 2017 2:08 pm

      Hi fuckbufoni, I figured mentioning Leticia here would get me called out, but I did it anyway to try and say something about how sexism affects all women regardless of how feminine they present themselves. Just because she does racy photo shoots doesn’t mean we should malign her for capitalizing on a culture that values that kind of thing. She’s not really the problem here I don’t think. (Personally, my favorite woman skater is Marisa dal Santo. But Sammaria and Alexis are both great too!)

  3. Corona and Cigarettes

    November 30, 2017 3:51 pm

    Damn Kerr handled that like a champ. Can someone please let me interview Ian some fucking day.

  4. This bud's for you

    November 30, 2017 5:05 pm

    @Corona and Cigarettes – ask and you shall receive!!
    https://thehundreds.com/blogs/content/ian-michna-interview-jenkem-editor-in-chief

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