“Forget” people you’ve met before: It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve met the person, if they aren’t in your crew, just pretend you don’t remember them. Imagine you have short term memory loss, and when they introduce themselves for the 4th time or mention how you’ve met you before, say something like, “yeah, seems kind of familiar..” and squint like it’s some hazy long lost memory.

Vibe people out: You know when you were the little kid at the skatepark and were both fascinated and intimidated by those cool older kids? That’s the feeling you want to evoke in everyone you meet. The easiest way to do this is to not look at the person talking to you, make descreet jokes about them behind their back and basically act like a middle school girl.

Say the opposite of everyone else: If everyone thinks the new Girl video is good, it’s just “OK.” If they think the DGK video was wack, lecture them on how fucking amazing it is. This keeps you ahead of the cool curve, because let’s face it – what most people think is cool, is totally wack.

Everyone is “your boy”: When someone mentions a pro skater or local shredder, make sure to casually let them know how they’re totally, “your boy.” You guys go “way back.” If the person lives far away or in another country, just say he’s “friends with my boy.” Boom! It keeps it generic enough where you don’t have to name any specifics, while still making you look like the fuckin’ man.

Do the hot tricks: There are thousands of different tricks in skateboarding, but not all are created equal – no matter how “steezy.” Usually, the best way to find out what’s cool these days is to check out the latest raw east coast vid or whatever montage SLAP posters are jerking off to that month. Learn a couple of those tricks, wear some sort of blue-collar working mans uniform and you should be having your dick sucked by skatenerds in no time.

Comments

  1. Geraldo

    March 5, 2013 4:28 pm

    If skaternerd blowjobs are the goal then is the last step to brag about how many you’ve gotten? If so, do you still need the list or are the BJ’s enough to perpetuate your coolness?

    Reply
  2. m477

    March 5, 2013 9:06 pm

    Guilty of forgetting people, its embarrassing and I feel bad about it. But in skating you meet lots of people and if you only see them once every few years its almost like it never happened (especially if you’re buzzed or stoned).

    Reply
  3. DEEN

    March 29, 2013 12:13 pm

    It’s also important to have other more important engagements whenever your meeting up to skate, like “fo sho dude im out i gotta go meet up with the flip flow team” even if its not true, skaters will marvel at your planning ability and diverse social pool. Sort of a more nuanced version of the “everybodys your boy”

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  4. J3

    May 8, 2013 1:27 am

    Lol, the Tempe park in AZ is filled with these kids. You get vibed the second you get there. Good thing I’m just an older dude(“older” not old) who doesn’t give a fuck. I’m there to skate……stare at me all you want little girls. Lol.

    Reply