1. The Jockboarder: Somewhere along the line, when skateboarding reached the X-Games and longboarding rose to popularity, jocks realized they wanted a piece of the action. They wanted to look edgy and cool but they were gonna do it their way. Their way, meaning sandals, boardshorts, a college sweatshirt and the biggest most horrendous longboard they could possibly buy at Zumiez.

2. The I Used To Skate Bro: These guys come in all shapes and sizes, but their primary goal is always the same: To tell you how much they totally used to skate. It’s always this long lost hazy memory like, “damn dude, yeah when I skated, I was so hyped on Chad Maska or whatever his name was, you know the white dude with the noseslides?!” Just in case that wasn’t annoying enough, don’t be surprised when they follow up with the inevitable, “yo lemmie try your board real quick,” to see if they “still got it.”

3. The Stoner: These guys usually ride a cruiser, longboard, or some old raggity water logged piece of shit because they were too busy spending their parent’s money on more weed. The smarter ones try to avoid any confrontation with actual skaters, or are too busy riding around campus to the next “chill sesh” blasting Phish or whatever jam bands these fuckers listen to now a days.

4. The One Girl Skater: There’s always one of them: The girl that looks like she’s about to eat shit anytime she takes her foot off of the board and tries to push. To a horny young man this might seem like a dream come true, but most of these girls are either trying too hard or lesbians.

5. The Longboarder Who Thinks He’s A Skateboarder: This is the dude who thinks he can totally “get down” on your sesh. He starts by rolling up, powersliding and doing some wacky shit on all 4’s. Then he has to show you some scar from going 50 miles down the freeway without a helmet, proving how fucking gnar it was. Too bad you can’t do that on your “shortboard” bro.

Comments

  1. Mike

    December 25, 2012 12:33 am

    And yeah I went to asu haters.

    Reply
  2. YARW

    December 25, 2012 2:51 am

    YOU’RE ALL WACK. GOSSIPIN’ ASS MOFUKKAS. GO DO SOMETHING.

    Reply
  3. clint

    December 25, 2012 11:22 am

    Shaun go twice as far and twice as fast somewhere else ‘brah’ skating isn’t about “type” the fact that you can compare shows how little you really know. This article is just trying to show how annoying people in college can be that bite a real skateboarder’s vibe. Do not take it all offensively. What are we supposed to do now, set up a race so you can prove how much better you are? That sounds like a number one (from this article to me) to me. While don’t we chill out, get some buds, and finish betting on this fantasy football thing, so we can race later ok? I know you will win because I can only go half as fast and half as far, but I will be a real skateboarder and try my best and never give up. (Side Note: Jenkem your website is getting some traffic from the outside world, good job and thanks for every single read on here).

    Reply
  4. scotty simmons

    December 26, 2012 12:18 am

    hahhahahahah I skate more than the dude who wrote this article and attend a university. this article is pretty much showing that skaters( if the dude who wrote this actually skates) are becoming just like every one else putting a label on people. HOW BOUT SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS AND GO SKATE. quit talking bull shit about how this and that are “ruining skating”, and how people act like they skate or what ever. It literally does nothing or means nothing to the actual act of skateboarding. When im doin a front feeb the last thing im giving a fuck about is who is “ruining skating” or who is acting like they skate. how bout write an article about skateboarding, what it actually is, not some bull shit one like this or previous articles. how bout some interviews, or post up some more homies videos with interviews by the people who made it. For example that video that was posted entitled “Dadpile” do more of that because it has to do with the actual act of skating not the bull shit that surrounds it.

    Reply

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