1. The Jockboarder: Somewhere along the line, when skateboarding reached the X-Games and longboarding rose to popularity, jocks realized they wanted a piece of the action. They wanted to look edgy and cool but they were gonna do it their way. Their way, meaning sandals, boardshorts, a college sweatshirt and the biggest most horrendous longboard they could possibly buy at Zumiez.

2. The I Used To Skate Bro: These guys come in all shapes and sizes, but their primary goal is always the same: To tell you how much they totally used to skate. It’s always this long lost hazy memory like, “damn dude, yeah when I skated, I was so hyped on Chad Maska or whatever his name was, you know the white dude with the noseslides?!” Just in case that wasn’t annoying enough, don’t be surprised when they follow up with the inevitable, “yo lemmie try your board real quick,” to see if they “still got it.”

3. The Stoner: These guys usually ride a cruiser, longboard, or some old raggity water logged piece of shit because they were too busy spending their parent’s money on more weed. The smarter ones try to avoid any confrontation with actual skaters, or are too busy riding around campus to the next “chill sesh” blasting Phish or whatever jam bands these fuckers listen to now a days.

4. The One Girl Skater: There’s always one of them: The girl that looks like she’s about to eat shit anytime she takes her foot off of the board and tries to push. To a horny young man this might seem like a dream come true, but most of these girls are either trying too hard or lesbians.

5. The Longboarder Who Thinks He’s A Skateboarder: This is the dude who thinks he can totally “get down” on your sesh. He starts by rolling up, powersliding and doing some wacky shit on all 4’s. Then he has to show you some scar from going 50 miles down the freeway without a helmet, proving how fucking gnar it was. Too bad you can’t do that on your “shortboard” bro.

Comments

  1. Brianna

    October 27, 2015 11:09 am

    All these people in such an upheaval over Shaun when all they had to do was not give a shit.

    *side note: I’m not a skater. Balance is not a friend of mine. I came here just to read something funny and pass the time.

    *side note about my side note: Was made because I foresaw having to explain this anyhow and didn’t feel like coming back to it.

    Reply
  2. The arguement: Im killin it

    December 2, 2015 3:18 am

    Can you people just shut THE FUCK UP!!!!

    ITS always the same bullshit! Skaters hate on longboarders, longboarders bitch back!!!

    Shut the fuck up. Both of yall suck!!! You are judgemental sheeple anyway. Which is the majority of the skater and longboarder community nowadays!!!!

    Reply
  3. Kennith Dougherty

    December 14, 2015 10:53 pm

    The post you have written is really wonderful and helpful for beginner, especially the Recent history was new for me.I am stay here, Good luck!
    Kennith Dougherty

    Reply
  4. Jeesus

    January 22, 2016 9:54 am

    This article is completely true. If you are a true passionate skater and have been skating your whole life you will find that we as skaters have ran into all these situations, cmon its 2016

    Reply
    • Kasim

      May 15, 2016 3:50 pm

      I’ve only met a few gay female skaters. Most females skaters I’ve met actually rip harder than most guys. They have to prove to assholes like you, and the writer of this article that they have just as much balls. And “skating your whole life” doesn’t mean shit. If you can kickflip a twelve stair, which little kids have done, girls have done, and guys riding for a year, have done, you’re a skater. Like you fucking said, it’s 2016. Stop being a pretentious dick and take that stick out of your ass. Be more open minded. Stop ruining skateboarding for the “real” skaters.

      Reply