Jenkem_Shop_Homie_Color_Redone

Going to your local skateshop for the first time is almost like losing your virginity, it’s pretty awkward and you don’t really know what you are doing. The guy behind the counter seems uninterested in anything you have to say and everyone else in the shop keeps looking at you funny. Never fear! Here are some tips to become a local shop homie in no time:

1. Totally hang out – Everyone knows real homies don’t buy product, real homies are at the shop to chill. Treat the skate shop the same way as you treat your mom’s basement. Lie on their couch, order in chinese food, charge your phone, relax! This will really throw people off- they won’t be able to tell if you are part of “the fam” or just some random dude.

2. Pretend to help – It’s hard to help if you don’t really know what you are doing, but it’s really easy to pretend. The best way to do this is just to periodically pick up random shit and ask whoever is working, “uhh where should I put this?”

3. Impress parents – When parents come in looking to buy little Johnny his first skateboard, make sure drop the F bomb in every other sentence and talk about stuff like getting head. It’s your job to maintain that authentic “urban feel” in the shop.

4. Ask for free product & discounts – You know you’ve made it once you start to receive the elusive shop discount. Until then, don’t be afraid to remind (bug the fuck out of) the store clerk about how you deserve it for totally helping them out all the time, with uhhhh, stuff.

5. Hang behind the desk – In a skate shop, the holy grail of homie spots is behind the desk. But if you don’t work there, it’s nearly impossible to infiltrate. Thankfully people are stupid and there’s an easy trick to make it into the inner circle: Youtube. Mention this “dope video part” you found, and tell them how much they are missing out. Once they are practically begging you to show them, walk behind there, load it up, and as everyone is mesmerized by the screen, slyly perch up on the corner. You’re down for life yo!

Comments

  1. HURRDURR

    January 1, 2014 1:19 am

    Holy shit! I remember the first time my local shop gave me a discount. Before purchasing some shoes or boards, my dad would always mention to one of the workers to give us a discount. I felt like they were bothered by my dad constantly asking them for a discount.

    Reply
  2. Phil

    February 25, 2014 11:19 am

    As a shop owner in a small city full of bored youth / kook lurker street kids I verify the accuracy of this list from top to bottom. The fuckin YouTube thing… The only way to beat that is load up the vid and turn the computer out wards before said lurker can squirm in behind the desk.. Where he will no doubt try to show you 8 or 9 more videos before bouncing..

    Reply
  3. Me

    September 7, 2015 2:18 am

    Wow… so fucking true! I´m working in a pretty underground german skateshop and everyone, who feels welcome, is free up to get behind our fuckin´desk; “The v.i.p. lounge” and watch skate vids, as long as we can´t work productively…. I´m bad at writing english, nevermind. we support eachother, don´t wanna sell longboards and love to skate with customers!

    Reply
  4. Duke Poopem

    May 9, 2016 9:22 pm

    I followed your advice step by step, Jenkem. And the shop owner, he beat me unmercifully! WHY?!?

    Reply