Jenkem_Shop_Homie_Color_Redone

Going to your local skateshop for the first time is almost like losing your virginity, it’s pretty awkward and you don’t really know what you are doing. The guy behind the counter seems uninterested in anything you have to say and everyone else in the shop keeps looking at you funny. Never fear! Here are some tips to become a local shop homie in no time:

1. Totally hang out – Everyone knows real homies don’t buy product, real homies are at the shop to chill. Treat the skate shop the same way as you treat your mom’s basement. Lie on their couch, order in chinese food, charge your phone, relax! This will really throw people off- they won’t be able to tell if you are part of “the fam” or just some random dude.

2. Pretend to help – It’s hard to help if you don’t really know what you are doing, but it’s really easy to pretend. The best way to do this is just to periodically pick up random shit and ask whoever is working, “uhh where should I put this?”

3. Impress parents – When parents come in looking to buy little Johnny his first skateboard, make sure drop the F bomb in every other sentence and talk about stuff like getting head. It’s your job to maintain that authentic “urban feel” in the shop.

4. Ask for free product & discounts – You know you’ve made it once you start to receive the elusive shop discount. Until then, don’t be afraid to remind (bug the fuck out of) the store clerk about how you deserve it for totally helping them out all the time, with uhhhh, stuff.

5. Hang behind the desk – In a skate shop, the holy grail of homie spots is behind the desk. But if you don’t work there, it’s nearly impossible to infiltrate. Thankfully people are stupid and there’s an easy trick to make it into the inner circle: Youtube. Mention this “dope video part” you found, and tell them how much they are missing out. Once they are practically begging you to show them, walk behind there, load it up, and as everyone is mesmerized by the screen, slyly perch up on the corner. You’re down for life yo!

Comments

  1. wilson

    March 7, 2013 2:25 am

    the best part about mall shops though is the idiots who work there dont lock the case for wheels trucks and shit. so when you buy youself a sheet of griptape for a deck you brought from home because they dont sell traffic boards or whatever you ask if you can grip there, you wait til they stop watching you, slowly open the case, grab a set wheels, and a fresh pack of bearings, stuff them down your pants, finish putting together your shit, and when you leave say peace out to the dude who rang up the 5 dollar sale. you’ll feeling wrong about at first but then think about for a second, you realize you just walked in there with a deck they dont sell, wearing a shirt from the real local shop, and you asked if you can put your shit together behind the case with hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise. that should of raised some alarms in there head but you know they dont know what traffic is and what the hell 207 pitcrew means. i mean they probably think youre in to nascar or something.

    Reply
  2. billy

    March 20, 2013 7:16 am

    everyone loves a lurker actually

    Reply
  3. 510Skateshop

    August 28, 2013 9:45 pm

    this is really bad advice. God Damn you Jenkem!!

    Reply

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