You know those cocky bastards who challenge you to a game of skate as soon as you get to the park or spot? They got their tre flips down and some bigflips and they think they hit the big time. Well here’s 5 easy tricks, guaranteed to shut those dweebs down. Of course you could always gettem with sex change, pressure flip n double flip variations but don’t be surprised when everyone in the park starts giving you filthy looks and calling you a bitch.
1. Front Shov
This foundational trick is gonna weed out the suckers right away, shutting down the kids that think they deserve a sponsor because they just learned mobbed laserflips off a Youtube video. Since it’s easier switch for a lot of people, you should get them off guard right off the bat, and lay an easy S for “sorry shithead.”
2. Fakie Heelflip
Having fakie heelflips on lock is like trying to not jerk off for a week. You might have it under control for 1 or 2 days, but you always end up losing it and it’s just frustrating as hell.
3. Fakie Varial Kickflip
Varial Flips have been out of style for a while now, and for good reason – they look terrible. But since every single maniac is just practicing tres these days, this ugly little trick becomes a deadly blow. Going fakie insures that they inevitably over rotate their board, bringing you one step closer to oh sweet victory.
4. Switch Varial Kickflip
This trick is a 100% letter guarantee. Switch Varial flips are done about as often as Shane O’Neil smiles, which is never.
5. Nollie or Fakie 360 Shov
This one you can pick or choose depending if you think they are weaker nollie or fakie. Go in there, spin that shit around and watch them hit their shins because they stepped off or over rotated the trick. Or watch em do it twice if they insist on “Berrics rules brah.” That’ll keep’em off their board for a minute. Assholes.
Words: James Lee
Original illustration: Michael Giurato