It’s not really trash talking if it’s telling the truth, and I feel like Tim does just that, obviously with a little bit of embellishment and some poopoo peepee humor for good measure. Whether he’s writing for skate mags or verbally bashing people on the mic at Tampa Am, you can count on him to keep skateboarding what it should be – not that serious.
Since you just had a baby… what’s the best baby making music?
That’s easy. The best baby making music is quite simply the sound of my own voice singing Ace Of Base’s – “All That She Wants”. If anybody out there would like to make a baby, I will gladly swing on by and serenade you and your lover with my angelic voice while the two of you (or maybe three of you?) engage in dirty animalistic coitus. I think that my voice definitely aids in the fertilization process. I sing as the sperm rides the rhythms and does the dance of life all the way to the egg.
Are you planning on getting your baby on a board at 6 months and drilling them on tricks every subsequent year like skateboard prodigys Nyjah Huston and Ryan Sheckler?
Back in the day I actually saw Nyjah Huston’s Dad yell at Nyjah for “falling wrong”. It was nothing short of insane that someone would utter such inanity to their little innocent child. Nyjah was about 8 or 9 years old and his Dad was yelling at his kid for not “falling correctly”. It truly doesn’t even make any sense ‘cus Nyjah just simply ate shit and that’s all there was to it really. I guess his nazi-coach approach ended up working in the end for them as far as making money in skateboarding goes. Word on the street now is that Nyjah’s Dad purloined Nyjah’s money and dipped out on the entire family forevermore. Pretty sad scenario but his Dad was a piece of shit from day one and I can’t say I’m even the slightest bit surprised by how that whole situation unfurled.
But as far as my kid goes…I’ll most likely just put the little fucker on a snakeboard and drill him on that thing. I feel that’s where the real money will be at when he gets older. Millionaire snakeboarder sounds about right to me? And down the line when I coax my dumb kid into signing his money over to me I will immediately move to a far away tropical island, change my name, ride unicorns on white sandy beaches, and live off of virgins and alcohol filled coconuts.
What would you do if you were black for a day?
Go to Australia for that day because Australian chicks love black dudes. It’s insane how much the girls over there love humping black dudes.
What contest would you rather not skate in, Maloof or Street League?
I was actually going to skate the last Maloof contest that went on in NY. Unfortunately I missed my run due to not being able to get out to Flushing in time for my heat. The qualifiers were going down super early at the crack-of-fuck. It takes forever to get out to Flushing Meadows because Flushing Meadows is in close proximity to absolutely nothing. At that time I also had Dennis Busentiz staying at my house with his lady and their two kids which made it kind of difficult to wrangle in that many humans to go anywhere. We made it just in time for his runs. Good thing we got out there in time too ‘cus he ended up getting 2nd place along with a nice healthy handful of that good ol’ United States currency.
So in conclusion I don’t know if there’s one that I’d rather not skate. Maybe I’d be weirded out with skating a Street League contest because it just feels pretty strange when you watch one of those things on TV. It gives off a somewhat robotic, assembly line of tricks vibe to be quite honest, where on the other end the Maloof contests seems like less pressure and is more free-flowing which I definitely prefer. I haven’t been to a Street League event in person just yet but there’s one coming up in August that’s near my house so I’ll go and check it out and see if it’s actually as awkward as I think it looks.
What do you do when you’re trash talking someone and they try and fight you? (and they will definitely kick your ass) Do you continue to trash talk them cause they want to fight you, cool them down or fight them?
Oh god you most definitely always continue to talk shit. That’s a no-brainer. If you’re going to get your ass kicked anyways then you might as well scar someone’s soul with your words which, will be much worse than a couple of punches. Words will eat away at someone’s psyche for the rest of their days. “Sticks and stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me”. That old saying is some real bullshit and is in no way true. Properly organized words delivered when delivered correctly can be like giving someone cancer of the soul ‘cus it’ll chew them up inside if you hit someone with some painful, raw, irrefutable truth. Of course you only do this when someone obviously is deserving of such treatment.
I’ve definitely gotten into some small fights due to making fun of people but in all reality I’m not a real honest to goodness dickhead. I don’t go around laughing in peoples faces and saying stuff that is truly venomous. Most things I say are simply for humor’s sake. Even if I think someone is corny as fuck it doesn’t mean that I hate that person and I sincerely don’t wish anyone any harm. Most people that would get upset are people that I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyways and I believe those types of people deserve to be made fun of for being too uptight and taking dumb shit too seriously. Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
Reasons why we don’t see more footage from you?
I live in New Jersey which is always a bad idea, I’ve been afflicted with chronic ankle sprains and need surgery to fix my pathetic joints, I’m actually invisible, I rarely hunt down filmers to go film all the time, I don’t like filming too much for the most part, and when I do film I’m super picky about what I would even bother filming. I really want to film a good solid part after my ankle is all fixed up. It’ll happen and I’ll put out that part that I know is in me but I just haven’t really bothered to try and do up to this point.
Canada: Lot’s of good skaters but for whatever reason many get cursed with a bland style. There are plenty of great Canadian skateboarders through and through but there’s also an inordinate amount of heads from there that are skilled but lack a good style. They’re just kind of there…and wearing a flex fit hat. I don’t know why it is that way but it just is for some weird inexplicable reason. That’s not even talking shit…that’s just a collective observance that I’m not sure anybody understands.
Dylan Rieder: Amazing. Nowadays Dylan looks like someone’s Italian cousin that is visiting from Rome and knows nothing about skating. He looks like he’s just trying out his American cousin’s skateboard out of curiosity and the next thing you know he’s destroying everything.
Savier: Could’ve been something really good if the people that ran it didn’t blow it. Everybody on the team was artistic and unique. It was a rare group of good skateboarders that could also paint a 6×15 foot mural with original artwork for a series of ads when asked to do so at the drop of a hat. You don’t see stuff like that too often in skateboarding nowadays. It’s sad that it didn’t last but I have fond memories from those days.
Greg Lutzka: Front 360 into a pile of money, Front 360 his way out of the bank after cashing a check, Front 360 into the champagne room. Can he do Back 360′s? Maybe he’s an ambi-turner.
The Berrics: A mixture of good and bad. A little preachy at times to some degree and I think too many industry heads drink the kool-aid and place too much importance on it. Don’t get me wrong though…I look at it fairly often to see some skating from people that I’m interested to watch skate. I’m actually surprised that more companies haven’t done their own Berrics type of thing on their own sites with their private TF’s to tell you the truth. Berra laid out the template for everyone and there’s tons of private skateparks out there that could pull it off as well. Berra does have an insane work ethic though so there is a lot to be said for that and that being a big part of it’s success.
Osama Bin Laden: We got ‘em!
In all reality I thought it was lame that certain Americans celebrated his death. I feel that everybody should’ve been happy that such an evil person was caught and no longer on earth but it’s stupid to celebrate any death. Americans should’ve been the bigger people in that situation and not run around cheering like retards.
Over ‘n’ out for now amigo.
Original Illustration: Lauren Kolesinskas
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