Mark Gonzales: Want to commit a travesty and be shunned by fellow skateboarders? Say something bad about Mark Gonzales. Actually it doesn’t even have to be bad, just next time Mark is brought up, be like, “yeah, he’s ok…” Just by calling The Gonz “OK” will get people to flip the fuck out and talk about how he invented street skating and scribbly artwork. He’s one of those dudes that people automatically know they should say they like regardless of whether or not they know anything about them, kinda like Radiohead or Bob Dylan.


Jason Lee: Another dude who was killing it while you were busy pooping your pants. Anyone under the age of twenty something that claims Jason Lee is their favorite skater is probably lying. The only reason these people rave about how awesome he is, is because they have seen him on TV, making big time screen appearances and oogle at the fact that they can tell people that he’s a former pro skater. They also love to prove to their parents that there is life after skateboarding other then doing drugs or becoming a team manager. Other then that, he has great style, lines and legendary backside flips but it’s not like people really care about this shit because it doesn’t score higher then a 9 on Street League.


Tom Penny: OK, so you saw this clip, where Rob Dyrdek rants and raves about how legendary Tom Penny is and how he “totally shut down this spot”. We know that Tom Penny in his hayday was amazing and is one of the most naturally gifted skateboarders ever. But just because he fucking killed it 10 years ago, doesn’t mean you have to be riding his dick hard in 2011. Translation: You are not any cooler if you like Tom Penny. Especially when his new footage looks like crusty b sides between bong hits. Fuck have you seen his recent shit? Nice N sloppy. What about Extremely Sorry? And you go on Slap and people are still like “LEGEND” or “THIS GUY CAN DO NO WRONG”. Buncha Zealots.
Words: James Lee

Comments

  1. alex

    January 19, 2012 4:55 am

    Did they teach you all about this stuff when you were in training to become part of the cool-police? How self-entitled are you that you feel it necessary to point out to everyone who does what because of what? Its kind of funny how irrelevant this article is to skateboarding, but not really, eat a dick.

    Reply
  2. dedleg

    March 8, 2012 1:44 am

    “Its kind of funny how irrelevant this article is to skateboarding, but not really, eat a dick.”

    I think I’d edit this to read more like…

    “It’s _____ funny _____ this article _____, _____ really.”

    But that’s just me.

    Reply
  3. Your face my ass

    April 23, 2012 12:16 pm

    No one pretends to like them , they do like them

    Reply
  4. Randy

    May 20, 2012 9:03 pm

    i can see the gonz but tom penny is and always will be the most stylish skater to ever grace a board

    Reply

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