5 WAYS TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED SKATEBOARDING

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1. Whine like a bitch – Any tricks you don’t land first try, freak out on your board like you’ve had blueballs for a month cause your catholic girlfriend won’t let anyone but her minister touch her. Scream loudly, punish that board and let people know what a good father you will be. Good way to impress the little kids around and get everyone else to hate you

2. Snake’em. Snake’em good- You know that annoying guy at parties who always interrupts you and then talks about himself for 15 minutes? This is what you need to do with your skating. You are more important than everyone else at the park and everyone needs to recognize. Make it look like you’re letting someone go, then as soon as he gets on the board, SNAKE’EM. Then give him filthy looks so he feels like he ran into you.

3. Go to the spot/park with a group of rollerblading friends- It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why rollingblading is so horrible. The lame grinds? The way they call it “aggressive inline”? The goofy trackpants? Next time you’re looking for some filthy looks, bring your buddies from the Christian club and have a rollerblade X-travaganza on the box. Everyone will love that. Visors, baggy pants and full pads not included.

4. Spit all over the place - Don’t just spit anywhere, spit where it counts. You have to hit all the vital areas. Next to the rail, on the pyramid, and my favorite – at the bottom of the stairs. For extra punishment, snot rocket, or even better, leave your gum around. Everyone loves freshly melted gum stuck inside their griptape on a warm summer day. Yum.

5. Do tricks other people are trying first try- You see some kid working his ass off trying the same trick over and over. It’s its your job to come into the situation and remind him how good you are, how easy the trick is, and how pathetic his life has just become. You can’t argue with talent!


Check out more of the Jenkem Articles.

Words: James Lee
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Comments

  1. just sayin:

    funny how you have an article on this site promoting acceptance of someone who is transgender, but its still ok to hate rollerbladers.
    god damn, skateboarding is on some ignorant shit.

  2. the grand wizard:

    just when i thought jenkem was cool, there comes the rollerblading hate. good job, cocksuckers.

  3. fuck rollerblading

  4. Yeah, fuck rollerblading, fucking aggressive inline cunts. Go fuck a fridge.

  5. Dome Trome:

    You’re born transgender. Rollerbladers choose their pain haha. Showing up to a spot with bladers is for sure a bad look

    • Slim pickkins:

      Your not born transgender idiot.. Your born one gender, the transition toward the opposite gender is what makes a person “trans”gender.

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