5 WAYS TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED SKATEBOARDING

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1. Whine like a bitch – Any tricks you don’t land first try, freak out on your board like you’ve had blueballs for a month cause your catholic girlfriend won’t let anyone but her minister touch her. Scream loudly, punish that board and let people know what a good father you will be. Good way to impress the little kids around and get everyone else to hate you

2. Snake’em. Snake’em good- You know that annoying guy at parties who always interrupts you and then talks about himself for 15 minutes? This is what you need to do with your skating. You are more important than everyone else at the park and everyone needs to recognize. Make it look like you’re letting someone go, then as soon as he gets on the board, SNAKE’EM. Then give him filthy looks so he feels like he ran into you.

3. Go to the spot/park with a group of rollerblading friends- It’s hard to pinpoint exactly why rollingblading is so horrible. The lame grinds? The way they call it “aggressive inline”? The goofy trackpants? Next time you’re looking for some filthy looks, bring your buddies from the Christian club and have a rollerblade X-travaganza on the box. Everyone will love that. Visors, baggy pants and full pads not included.

4. Spit all over the place - Don’t just spit anywhere, spit where it counts. You have to hit all the vital areas. Next to the rail, on the pyramid, and my favorite – at the bottom of the stairs. For extra punishment, snot rocket, or even better, leave your gum around. Everyone loves freshly melted gum stuck inside their griptape on a warm summer day. Yum.

5. Do tricks other people are trying first try- You see some kid working his ass off trying the same trick over and over. It’s its your job to come into the situation and remind him how good you are, how easy the trick is, and how pathetic his life has just become. You can’t argue with talent!


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Words: James Lee
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Comments

  1. just sayin

    March 20, 2013 1:35 am

    funny how you have an article on this site promoting acceptance of someone who is transgender, but its still ok to hate rollerbladers.
    god damn, skateboarding is on some ignorant shit.

    Reply
    • nate

      July 30, 2013 2:08 am

      ummmmm they’re rollerbladers, they bring it on themselves, kinda like kids who ride scooters. Also it’s not ignorance because there’s no lack of knowledge. I think the word you’re looking for is double standard.

      Reply
    • Perrito Chistoso

      August 9, 2013 3:06 pm

      Its a joke…youre supposed to lol at it…

      Reply
    • annonymous

      October 11, 2013 3:50 pm

      It’s called satire.

      Reply
    • Mcliptrick

      February 13, 2014 10:36 am

      stay away from it then

      Reply
    • its a fucking joke

      June 9, 2014 3:29 pm

      calm down

      Reply
    • Radmadical

      October 4, 2014 4:12 pm

      If someone want’s to change genders – that’s there business, no sweat off my nose. Rollerbladers make us all look bad and deserve the guillotine. There are some things I can accept and other things that have no place in society…

      Reply
    • pat duffy

      December 12, 2014 3:56 am

      hey dude jenkem accepts a transgender skateboarder. Keeping in mind that all rollerbladers are transgender anyway, why would the author here (who is a skateboarder) accept a transgender rollerblader?

      Reply
  2. the grand wizard

    March 20, 2013 2:53 am

    just when i thought jenkem was cool, there comes the rollerblading hate. good job, cocksuckers.

    Reply
  3. sergiy

    March 26, 2013 8:39 am

    fuck rollerblading

    Reply
  4. MingeBinge

    April 3, 2013 4:38 am

    Yeah, fuck rollerblading, fucking aggressive inline cunts. Go fuck a fridge.

    Reply

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